I have two dreams. One is that I am back in college and I forgot to take a required class. And now I won't graduate?! It seems kind of silly for someone my age.
The other dreams is that I have been struck by a terminal illness. Maybe I've watched Terms of Endearment one too many times. I never die in the dream. And sometimes this is a thought I have when awake. It's more a matter of telling people that I have... it's usually cancer. I think about death a and what it might feel like a lot. Maybe it's more about my birthday, but time moves so quickly. This is it. This is my moment. Because, being eighty or ninety doesn't interest me. It scares me, not being able to take care of myself. Having to rely on someone else, letting go. It's kind of like falling in love, right? Letting someone in. My grandfather is dying. He is nearly ninety and he can't walk, it's hard for me to talk or hear. He looks like he's already dead, even though he still likes to eat. Or he did. He's in the hospital. They don't expect him to make it through the weekend. I should be sadder, but he disappointed. People do, they hurt you, you're suppose to forgive. But he never apologized, especially to my mom, for his behavior. Nor to my family. How is forgiveness suppose to happen? For me it never did. It was never the same. I guess nothing ever is. Change happens, whether you want it to or not.
Friday, February 8, 2013
Wednesday, February 6, 2013
Maybe
Maybe I am suppose to be the one to save myself.
I had Jessa paint my thumbs. A shimmery blue, like her hair. The paint came off my thumbs in the middle of the night, for the most part.
For the most part I try to let go of the heavy things. There has to be a reason for it all or a path or is it all just random? It is all going to come back to writing sometime? Wouldn't that be poetic? Stick to what you know.
I want the fairytale, like Vivian told Edward.
I'm a water sign, the fish. Birthday approaching, an extra amount of introspection. A pisces. Is that how you spell it? Being correct right now doesn't interest me. Be brave. I'm going to ask someone out on a date. I feel like everyone should. It should be a requirement. Take that leap. If you don't, what's the point? But I'm scared. But I'm doing it. I'm waking up. I'm brushing my teeth. I'm living life. I'm allowing myself to laugh. A lot.
I had Jessa paint my thumbs. A shimmery blue, like her hair. The paint came off my thumbs in the middle of the night, for the most part.
For the most part I try to let go of the heavy things. There has to be a reason for it all or a path or is it all just random? It is all going to come back to writing sometime? Wouldn't that be poetic? Stick to what you know.
I want the fairytale, like Vivian told Edward.
I'm a water sign, the fish. Birthday approaching, an extra amount of introspection. A pisces. Is that how you spell it? Being correct right now doesn't interest me. Be brave. I'm going to ask someone out on a date. I feel like everyone should. It should be a requirement. Take that leap. If you don't, what's the point? But I'm scared. But I'm doing it. I'm waking up. I'm brushing my teeth. I'm living life. I'm allowing myself to laugh. A lot.
Monday, February 4, 2013
The Night of My Life 2/2/13
Have you ever sat across from an Academy Award Nominated actress and just listened to her? Truly took in the moment and realized nothing could compare to what you were experiencing at that very moment? February 2, 2013 was that moment for me. It's hard to really describe this night. Yes I can share the story (most of it) but no words can fully express exactly what I was feeling. But I will try.
Jessica Chastain
Movies: Mama, Zero Dark Thirty, The Help, The Debt, Jolene, Texas Killing Fields, Stolen, Lawless, The Tree of Life, Tar, Madagascar 3, Wilde Salome, Coriolanus, Take Shelter, The Westerner
TV: Blackbeard (TV Movie), Guest Spots: Veronica Mars, Law & Order: Trial by Jury, Close to Home, ER
Broadway: The Heiress
The backstory:
December 1, 2012. I had gone to NY to visit with my co-blogger Mark. We went to the stage door of The Heiress to meet Dan Stevens (Downton Abbey) and Jessica Chastain. It was freezing out but we waited patiently. After meeting Dan (he is just so adorable) we continued to wait for Jessica for about 45 minutes, but then the Doorman told us she wasn't coming out. So we left.
Fast forward to January 26, 2013. Originally I was supposed to go to NY to visit a couple of friends of mine. But on the train ride down on the friday before I got sick and had to turn around and go home. So Saturday the 26th I decided to go on my computer to message back someone on facebook. (Note - I almost never go on facebook on my computer as I use it on my phone)... I open my messages and see this folder marked "Other Messages", which doesn't appear on my phone, only on a computer. So I was confused and wondered what was in this folder--I opened it.
Right on top was a message, an important message that was dated December 1st. I opened it up and it was from Jessica Chastain's assistant, saying how Jessica was upset that I had missed her at the stage door as she did in fact come out. She then went on to say that if I wanted to come back after the night show and go backstage to meet Jessica she would be more than happy to set that up.
My jaw dropped. Was this real? I remember just thinking how upset I was that I didn't see this message right away and hoping that it wasn't too late. I immediately responded apologizing for not getting back to her earlier and asking if the offer was still available. She got back to me the next day with a firm yes and from there we set everything up. It was going to take place Saturday night -February 2, 2013 after the 8:00 performance of The Heiress. I was planning on going to NY to visit Carrie and Cari to make up for the missed visit that weekend so I told Carrie about the plan and we decided the three of us needed to keep it on the extreme down low in case this all turned out to be fake. Needless to say we were excited beyond belief.
Saturday, February 2, 2013:
After a week of stress and nervous energy the night was upon us. We went into the city and saw the performance. It is a great show, a story of a girl who is socially awkward and extremely shy. Her father is a prominent doctor who is very wealthy. The girl is The Heiress of his large fortune should he pass. A handsome gentleman with very little fiscal means and expensive taste comes to visit one day and falls in love with the girl. The two plan to marry but are marred by the father's mistrust in the man's intentions (is it love or is it her money?). It was funny, it was sad. Jessica (who played the role of Catherine aka The Heiress) was incredible. She is so talented, and every award she is nominated for she needs to get. To see her act in person was incredible. There is one scene where she breaks down and she had me in full on tears.
The show ended and we headed to the stage door. My heart was in my chest and I was just hoping and praying that when we went in my name would be on that list. And it was. Jessica's assistant was there waiting and brought us back to her dressing room. We waited for Jessica to finish changing and got to play with her ADORABLE three legged dog Chaplin for a little bit. Her dressing room was decent sized, a little on the small side but very pretty.
When Jessica came out I think I froze from all of the emotions I had been feeling throughout the day. She has a presence about her. She is gorgeous and so tiny! She is a little taller than I am (which isn't saying much) maybe about 5' 4'' (??). We introduced ourselves and she gave each of us a hug. She then introduced us to her boyfriend and had us sit down.
The three of us sat on the couch (there was just enough room for us three) and Jessica pulled a chair out of her makeup room and sat across from us while her boyfriend pulled up another chair and sat in the doorway between dressing room and makeup room. It is a small space so it was very intimate.
She then talked with us, told us about how her dog ran on the stage during the afternoon performance and how she was freaking out but didn't let it show. She shared stories from her movies, talked about her upcoming schedule (the girl is insanely busy!) I honestly don't know how or when she sleeps. At one point a gentleman came in to say goodbye to her, he may have been a producer of the show or something to that effect, and she introduced us to him!
Jessica talked with us for about twenty minutes. I had thought we would go in say hello and talk with her for a couple of minutes have her sign our playbills and take pictures and then say goodbye. I didn't expect her to take so much time with us. She apologized for not being there to meet me after the show back in December. She joked around with her boyfriend about her kiss with Dan Stevens in the show. She was amazing. She was sweet. She is without a doubt the kindest person I have ever met in my life.
It was surreal sitting there, listening to her talk about flying to LA to do five talk shows, then discuss all of the Oscars prep she has to do. The OSCARS! She is so real. And so humble. She is an inspiration.
We gave her a thank you gift...an alex and ani bracelet that's meaning was perfect for her. She thanked us and put it on. She signed our playbills and took a group photo and then individual photos with each of us. Then gave us each another hug as we made our departure. Smiling and waving as we left.
I have not gone into detail of everything she said. That is between the five of us. I will just say that nothing can ever compare to February 2, 2013. My heart is full from the appreciativeness and kindness she has shown. I am thankful to her assistant for being the amazing detective she is and for finding me and setting this all up. I am thankful to Jessica for being the type of person who everyone should strive to be. She is definitely someone to aspire to!
-- Yours always LINDSAY!
Jessica Chastain
Movies: Mama, Zero Dark Thirty, The Help, The Debt, Jolene, Texas Killing Fields, Stolen, Lawless, The Tree of Life, Tar, Madagascar 3, Wilde Salome, Coriolanus, Take Shelter, The Westerner
TV: Blackbeard (TV Movie), Guest Spots: Veronica Mars, Law & Order: Trial by Jury, Close to Home, ER
Broadway: The Heiress
The backstory:
December 1, 2012. I had gone to NY to visit with my co-blogger Mark. We went to the stage door of The Heiress to meet Dan Stevens (Downton Abbey) and Jessica Chastain. It was freezing out but we waited patiently. After meeting Dan (he is just so adorable) we continued to wait for Jessica for about 45 minutes, but then the Doorman told us she wasn't coming out. So we left.
Fast forward to January 26, 2013. Originally I was supposed to go to NY to visit a couple of friends of mine. But on the train ride down on the friday before I got sick and had to turn around and go home. So Saturday the 26th I decided to go on my computer to message back someone on facebook. (Note - I almost never go on facebook on my computer as I use it on my phone)... I open my messages and see this folder marked "Other Messages", which doesn't appear on my phone, only on a computer. So I was confused and wondered what was in this folder--I opened it.
Right on top was a message, an important message that was dated December 1st. I opened it up and it was from Jessica Chastain's assistant, saying how Jessica was upset that I had missed her at the stage door as she did in fact come out. She then went on to say that if I wanted to come back after the night show and go backstage to meet Jessica she would be more than happy to set that up.
My jaw dropped. Was this real? I remember just thinking how upset I was that I didn't see this message right away and hoping that it wasn't too late. I immediately responded apologizing for not getting back to her earlier and asking if the offer was still available. She got back to me the next day with a firm yes and from there we set everything up. It was going to take place Saturday night -February 2, 2013 after the 8:00 performance of The Heiress. I was planning on going to NY to visit Carrie and Cari to make up for the missed visit that weekend so I told Carrie about the plan and we decided the three of us needed to keep it on the extreme down low in case this all turned out to be fake. Needless to say we were excited beyond belief.
Saturday, February 2, 2013:
After a week of stress and nervous energy the night was upon us. We went into the city and saw the performance. It is a great show, a story of a girl who is socially awkward and extremely shy. Her father is a prominent doctor who is very wealthy. The girl is The Heiress of his large fortune should he pass. A handsome gentleman with very little fiscal means and expensive taste comes to visit one day and falls in love with the girl. The two plan to marry but are marred by the father's mistrust in the man's intentions (is it love or is it her money?). It was funny, it was sad. Jessica (who played the role of Catherine aka The Heiress) was incredible. She is so talented, and every award she is nominated for she needs to get. To see her act in person was incredible. There is one scene where she breaks down and she had me in full on tears.
The show ended and we headed to the stage door. My heart was in my chest and I was just hoping and praying that when we went in my name would be on that list. And it was. Jessica's assistant was there waiting and brought us back to her dressing room. We waited for Jessica to finish changing and got to play with her ADORABLE three legged dog Chaplin for a little bit. Her dressing room was decent sized, a little on the small side but very pretty.
When Jessica came out I think I froze from all of the emotions I had been feeling throughout the day. She has a presence about her. She is gorgeous and so tiny! She is a little taller than I am (which isn't saying much) maybe about 5' 4'' (??). We introduced ourselves and she gave each of us a hug. She then introduced us to her boyfriend and had us sit down.
The three of us sat on the couch (there was just enough room for us three) and Jessica pulled a chair out of her makeup room and sat across from us while her boyfriend pulled up another chair and sat in the doorway between dressing room and makeup room. It is a small space so it was very intimate.
She then talked with us, told us about how her dog ran on the stage during the afternoon performance and how she was freaking out but didn't let it show. She shared stories from her movies, talked about her upcoming schedule (the girl is insanely busy!) I honestly don't know how or when she sleeps. At one point a gentleman came in to say goodbye to her, he may have been a producer of the show or something to that effect, and she introduced us to him!
Jessica talked with us for about twenty minutes. I had thought we would go in say hello and talk with her for a couple of minutes have her sign our playbills and take pictures and then say goodbye. I didn't expect her to take so much time with us. She apologized for not being there to meet me after the show back in December. She joked around with her boyfriend about her kiss with Dan Stevens in the show. She was amazing. She was sweet. She is without a doubt the kindest person I have ever met in my life.
It was surreal sitting there, listening to her talk about flying to LA to do five talk shows, then discuss all of the Oscars prep she has to do. The OSCARS! She is so real. And so humble. She is an inspiration.
We gave her a thank you gift...an alex and ani bracelet that's meaning was perfect for her. She thanked us and put it on. She signed our playbills and took a group photo and then individual photos with each of us. Then gave us each another hug as we made our departure. Smiling and waving as we left.
I have not gone into detail of everything she said. That is between the five of us. I will just say that nothing can ever compare to February 2, 2013. My heart is full from the appreciativeness and kindness she has shown. I am thankful to her assistant for being the amazing detective she is and for finding me and setting this all up. I am thankful to Jessica for being the type of person who everyone should strive to be. She is definitely someone to aspire to!
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| Here I am with Jessica |
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| Me, Carrie, Jessica & Cari |
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