MANIC

My dad is manic. It sounds exciting, like something out of a movie. At the very least interesting. Who doesn't want to be interesting? Depression is still frowned at. I mean really, just be happy. That's the response I've gotten. I've suffered mild depression, but most people have. So, I believe that's where the response comes from.

And then you encounter someone who is bi-polar and you see the disease. And you are angry and sad and confused and exhausted. It's exhausting. Holding everything together, when you're just trying to get a grasp on yourself most days. And there are periods. Years. A decade even. Where the medication works and you have the person you love looking at back at you.

And then it doesn't work anymore. Or the side effects of what is working is so strong, the person suffering believes they can do it on their own. And then they can't. And then you're sitting with them at two in the morning. They are never tired and they don't speak in full sentences and you begin to think, that might be a better normal. Because when someone is going through a manic episode, it's like being high without the drug. You are Superman. Who doesn't want to be invincible?

And then they crash. And they sleep. Because it's hurts too much. The music has stopped. The dance is done. But is it done for good? You think at 63 the monster has been tamed. Can this really happen again at 70? There is no cure. It's the devil on your shoulder.

And what happens to the person who spends a lifetime watching this? Poor girl. Poor boy. How strong are you? How much love do you have?

My feet are tired. Too much dancing.

Bipolar disorder or bipolar affective disorder, historically known as manic–depressive disorder, is a psychiatric diagnosis that describes a category of mood disorders defined by the presence of one or more episodes of abnormally elevated energy levels, cognition, and mood with or without one or more depressive episodes. The elevated moods are clinically referred to as mania or, if milder, hypomania. Individuals who experience manic episodes also commonly experience depressive episodes, or symptoms, or a mixed state in which features of both mania and depression are present at the same time.^[1] These events are usually separated by periods of "normal" mood; but, in some individuals, depression and mania may rapidly alternate, which is known as rapid cycling. Severe manic episodes can sometimes lead to such psychotic symptoms as delusions and hallucinations. The disorder has been subdivided into bipolar I, bipolar II, cyclothymia, and other types, based on the nature and severity of mood episodes experienced; the range is often described as the bipolar spectrum.

Estimates of the lifetime prevalence of bipolar disorder vary, with studies typically giving values of the order of 1%, with higher figures given in studies with looser definitions of the condition.^[2] The onset of full symptoms generally occurs in late adolescence or young adulthood. Diagnosis is based on the person's self-reported experiences, as well as observed behavior. Episodes of abnormality are associated with distress and disruption and an elevated risk of suicide, especially during mixed and depressive episodes. In some cases, it can be a devastating long-lasting disorder. In others, it has also been associated with creativity, goal striving, and positive achievements. There is significant evidence to suggest that many people with creative talents have also suffered from some form of bipolar disorder.^[3] It is often suggested that creativity and bipolar disorder are linked.

Genetic factors contribute substantially to the likelihood of developing bipolar disorder, and environmental factors are also implicated. Bipolar disorder is often treated with mood stabilizing medications and, sometimes, other psychiatric drugs. Psychotherapy also has a role, often when there has been some recovery of the subject's stability. In serious cases, in which there is a risk of harm to oneself or others, involuntary commitment may be used. These cases generally involve severe manic episodes with dangerous behavior or depressive episodes with suicidal ideation. There are widespread problems with social stigma, stereotypes, and prejudice against individuals with a diagnosis of bipolar disorder.^[4] People with bipolar disorder exhibiting psychotic symptoms can sometimes be misdiagnosed as having schizophrenia, another, different, serious mental illness.^[5]

The current term bipolar disorder is of fairly recent origin and refers to the cycling between high and low episodes (poles). A relationship between mania and melancholia had long been observed, although the basis of the current conceptualisation can be traced back to French psychiatrists in the 1850s. The term "manic-depressive illness" or psychosis was coined by German psychiatrist Emil Kraepelin in the late nineteenth century, originally referring to all kinds of mood disorder. German psychiatrist Karl Leonhard split the classification again in 1957, employing the terms unipolar disorder (major depressive disorder) and bipolar disorder.