Who am I?

I have pondered this question many times throughout my life, more often now as I face my impending move across the country. Many people know who they are, what they like, dislike and what they want out of life. Most people are on the path they have set for themselves at an early age, whether it be starting a family and settling down or in a career that they have worked hard to get to.

Where am I? I am nowhere, and see no path ahead where I want to go. Yes, California is ultimately where I would like to live, set roots. But how do I get there? And what if I fail? Again. I have tried to move out there a couple of times, but the box I have built around myself, securing me in my comfort zone has grown stronger and tougher to break over the years. How do I break that?

And how can I achieve success in anything in my future if I don't believe in myself...and how do I believe in myself if I don't know who I am?

I sit here, talking to you (our loyal readers) and simply wonder how to move forward. And I think to myself what do I like? What do I want to do? What don't I like? Yes I know I love television, movies, books etc. I get immersed into the un-reality of it all. I can lose myself in the stories portrayed in any of those and dream up a life in which I am happy. A life in which I am not afraid. By many of the experiences I have had in my 32 years I have gained the knowledge that I am truly afraid of the unknown. Once I overcome my initial fear I am usually okay. So maybe that's all I have to do. Is to just 'get over it.' But It's easier said than done.

I just finished watching the film 'Eat, Pray, Love' starring the lovely Julia Roberts and wish that I could take one of those epic journeys to find myself...to truly get to know me. But it takes a lot of money to do that. And that is something I do not have.

So I will continue on my road to whatever this life leads me and I will dream and hope and maybe I will find whatever it is I am looking for. If you find it...please send it in my direction.

-much love
L