Unhinged

Grindr
The sex-date-gay male dating app.
I'm on it.
Most everyone I know is.
It's the easiest way to get what you want.
Who meets people in bars anymore?
Through friends?
It's great when you're traveling.
As long as you don't take it too seriously.

That's the backstory.

The real story is this guy messaged me. He had a nice body. He wanted sex. I wanted a date. We met for a drink.

He said I was too nice. I reminded him of Christopher Robin. Winnie the Pooh. What am I doing he asked? He couldn't just have sex with me. I was too nice. He said. I've heard that before. Is this why I'm single?! And I through him off his game. He didn't know what to do with me. He'd go on a date though.

He was older than his picture (most are :) and he was Filipino (am I spelling this wrong?). I can't say I've ever been attracted to that race before. I'm just being honest. I don't tell him this.

But he knew himself and he was abrasive and sarcastic and funny. He kissed me on the lips really quick and pulled me close to him at the end of our first pseduo-date.

And then we had a second date. And I felt comfortable. And I let my guard down a little bit. Not too much. But we had a chemistry, a spark... it felt like it was not just in my head. But I still didn't know how I felt about him. About this. And instead of analyzing and spending too much time in my head I just let it go.

It was so cold that night and there was no sex afterwards. He pulled me close to him and kissed quickly before jumping in a cab.

We planned another date. Or the idea of one. And then it happened rather impromptu on Sunday. And we had a great dinner and then he took me to karaoke. And he can sing and he loves singing and he got me to sing and I am so shy and I can't carry a tune. But I had fun and I opened up more.

And he called me on my bullshit. And I liked that. I liked him presence. He likes to drink and he can drink and I don't drink, really. I was a little tipsy and at the end of the date there was no sex. It was Sunday night and past midnight and cold and we had work the next day.

He pulled me in for a kiss again, this time it was longer, but sloppier. I was a little drunk and he grabbed my ass and put me in a cab. I texted him the next day to say I had a good time and that I hope he gets the work done that he needed too. It was going to be a busy week for him.

And I haven't heard from him yet. And I wonder if I ever will. Because guys act interested and then disappear all the time. And there's no logic behind it. And there's no answer. Bad timing? It is a busy week for him, but how long does a text take? If he's interested...

With this one I still don't know how I feel. And I always thought you do. You know how you feel. And this time I didn't and it made me think outside of my comfort zone. I'm not always right! Shocking!

And so I'm wondering... where this will go. If this is something... or just another case of....

But here I am .. left unhinged. Because I want more. I want the fairytale.