My Head Hurts

My head hurts. As I approach another birthday, trying to make sense of a career I want. Where to go from here? I always feel so far behind. Even after running faster than I ever have. I am behind. Or maybe I'm in front. I'm happy, I am. Is that annoying? It's refreshing. I just wish I got a paycheck that reflected all the hard work. Life is hard work. Maybe the smile I have is the reflection. I work with people who work, work, work. And they never get time to enjoy it. I'm enjoying it, but the dollar signs aren't there to support it. Can you have it all? Balance. No, I won't quote Eat Pray Love. If I knew then, what I know now. Hugs feel good. To touch another human, that connection. I much prefer a hug over a handshake. I use to be too awkward for any of it. A slight smile. I've come along way. I've got a long way to go. The journey is tiring. I feel like I've been standing too long. Or sitting. Or maybe just I need a new scene. Could I move? It's out of my hands. I know this. But in another year or so I may try to again. I know the possibility is out there somewhere. Or maybe like Dorothy I have had it all the time. Where do you go if you leave New York? Where do you go when you leave yourself? And how do you find your way back...