death of cinderella

when you have a secret two things happen:

1. it winds up owning you
2. you end up owning it

basically, you're never in control of it.

and when it's released it can kill you.

my parents almost killed themselves. it's a figure of speech. or is it?

girl, interrupted

at being sixty-five

not such a girl.

death of true love. first love. only love?

pills.

to make you better?

what's better?

happy new year.

resolution?

a good night's sleep.

but i want to wake up in the morning.

i hope you want to wake up in the morning too.

i love you mom

NEGATIVE

We had talked for a year
We had met.
There was a chemistry.
He lived in Houston. I was in Austin.
We decided to spend a weekend together.
To see "what if"...
I don't spend weekends with people.
But "what if"...
How many guys want to go there?
I'd like to go there.
So I went.
And it was a good weekend.
We talked and had sex and got to know each other.
We had decided to make plans to see each other again.
And then he left.
And I got a sore throat.
And I kept getting up in the middle of the night to pee.
And it burned when I did, like a hydro peroxide.
I looked down at my penis the next day.
It was inflamed. Enraged.
A brown discharge came out of my body.
The kind you see when you pick a scab.
But this cut was deeper.
He swore he was free of all diseases.
He just had a cough from teaching kindergarten kids.
Maybe it was a urinary tract infection?
I got tested and treated.
And I was positive. At 34, I had gonorrhea.
What are the chances?
I got tested for HIV and every other sexually transmitted disease.
I stripped naked for the second time.
Because I also have jock itch from running and the weather change.
But I didn't know at the point what anything was anymore.
And this woman examined my entire body as if I had been raped.
She asked if I had ever been raped.
I felt raped.
Raped of an idea, a dream, a promise.
Do you meet guys online, she asked.
Where do you meet guys anymore?
This is what you get what you go to the Centers of Disease Control.
All I want is to be in control again.
And after my blood was taken I passed out on the floor.
This is normal. I expected it. These last three weeks have taken everything out of me. Well, not everything.
I'm stronger then that. Then this. I think? I hope.
I was still conscious, as they fed me a juice box. Hi-C. I felt like a kid again.
But I'm not a kid.
To be a kid again, underneath a fort made of blankets.
They had rapid testing
And I tested negative.
He says he's negative.
What do two negatives make?
I'm so fucking single.
But I'm healthy. And proud to be single, for maybe the first time in my life?

Scared.

I wish I wasn't so scared. Of everything. But mostly I'm afraid of the unknown, which in my opinion is the worst type of fear. How do you overcome something that you haven't even faced yet, really. That doesn't make any sense but that's how I feel. 

I'm finally doing it, putting my house on the market and selling it. My plan? Move back in with my parents for a year (ugh) to save money. While I am there I plan to do some research looking for jobs in any state besides Rhode Island. Hopefully either Florida or California. I need a change and I need a new job. As much as my current job affords me some perks...working for my dad, extra vacation days etc., I am slowly fading away into oblivion with the stress and unhappiness I feel on a day to day basis working here. The dread of going into work begins the day before and I am drowning. 

Hopefully this change works and I find something I like. But I'm again, scared. I don't know what I want to do. Work in a book publishing company? But books are sadly becoming obsolete. Work at Disney or Universal Studios? But in which department? I miss the days of things being decided for me. 

Simple

Here’s what simple and happy looks like. We are shown this when we are kids. Do you see it? Can you feel it? Sit with it? Hold it? Don't let go, because the older you get the harder it is to recognize it. And when it’s gone it’s more complicated because we are adult, if we are lucky. Maybe we are still kids, battered from the reality of what life is, before it’s ever even fair. What is fair? So you pick up the phone, and you talk to someone who can remind you of who you were before everyone who never mattered told you who you should be.

The Worst Of Him

The worst of him will kill you before you get the best of him. I keep telling myself that. I learned that lesson once before. Better to have gotten out now, maybe the universe was secretly doing me a favor. You think you’re filling a glass up with something, and then you pick it up and everything you’ve been pouring into it comes out the bottom. There’s a hole. 

I don’t want to be on your time, Lindsay said.

I don’t either. Put me in another time, I replied.

I’ve always been crazy but it kept me from going insane.

Life is filled with moments where you have to sit alone with yourself.

I miss you already, was the last thing I said to myself. And that was all so unfortunately true. Sometimes people get lost, I get lost, from time to time. Probably more than one should.

 Sometimes people find there way home again.

Brother and Sister

What if I forgive myself? What if I’m not sorry? What if I did the right thing, and still it didn’t matter? What if I told you I don’t like my brother and sister? You would think of me as the bad guy, this is a truth we are not allowed to say out loud. I didn’t use the word hate, there’s no hating here. This isn’t a rant from a sixteen year-old. I have sat with this feeling for many years, repressed it, denied it. There’s the simple truth that there is no relationship. And looking back at my life, there never has been. You could blame the age difference, but I don’t want to place blame on anyone. I simply can’t lie anymore, so cast me as the villain. I wish I could lie, but holding onto a lie eats the inside of my stomach up. Do I want to be estranged from them? Are we already estranged? There’s nothing to fix. Try again. I don’t want too. Is that selfish? Maybe. Is this being written in anger? No, I’m not even angry. I’ve been angry before with them, but I settled that with myself on my terms. And I cried tonight, a little bit, thinking about the fact that I don’t care. I’m looking at pictures of us, younger, on my wall, trying to feel a connection. The memory that says stop. You do care. You’re suppose to care, but I just don’t. My tears weren’t tears of sadness, but of relief. For I’ve never really admitted this, for fear that I would burn in hell. Maybe now I really will, but this is my truth. And the truth is a bitch that’s hard to swallow, but when you do swallow it, you feel a fearlessness that can’t be duplicated by any other action.

Another One Bites the Dust

Remember when I told you he still liked me? I was wrong. We were sitting in his car on the fourth of the July after spending all day together. It was two thirty in the morning. I went to kiss him, and he turned his cheek. I asked him, “you don’t want to kiss me?” and he shrugged his shoulders and said, “I think just friends. I think friends is best.” I paused, and thought of course, the signs were there. But there were mixed signals. It wasn’t just my infatuation for a summer romance. I guess I was suppose to ask him why, but it felt desperate and inconsequential. He just wasn’t into me. Anything he said, I wouldn’t believe. I would believe something even worse, and does anyone tell you the truth? The truth is as I sit here with a heavy heart, he is relieved, happy, it’s probably the best he’s felt in two months. He doesn’t have to spend anymore time with me, see me ever again, even though he still owes me three hundred and sixty dollars. Yes, I really did lend someone five hundred dollars that I knew for a month and a half. But I don’t regret it, I was happy to help, it’s who I am. I helped make his first show happen. And maybe years from now, even though he told me once that he never looks back, he will be reminded of me in some way, and appreciate my kindness and generosity. Because I am, kind and generous. I have to believe that. 

Sex Or Not

We haven’t had sex yet, but he’ll put his arm around me and kiss me in public. Every friend I’m introduced to knows my name, my story. He told me he liked me two weeks into dating. I never had a guy do that to me before. He is a gentlemen, and this is turning into a perfect summer romance. But we haven’t had sex yet, he is old fashioned. He once went nearly a year without sex. He says he sometimes puts those he likes on a pedestal and the sex can knock them down. Is he talking about me? He said sex can sometimes, most of the time, taint that perfect feeling of love. It can create lust and jealously. I didn’t disagree, my only argument was simple : but sex is good. I thought this was all a sweet way of telling me he knows I am must be frustrated. When I told him once he could spend the night, he then started inviting me to spend the night. Everything else between us worked, so why not be patient? It could make it all better. I mean, we see each other three times a week now. He must still like me.

The rush of not breathing

Seussical Jr. is over. The show went up two weeks ago. I had feared it, dreaded it, thought for sure it would be terrible. But it wasn't...it went so incredibly well! Afterwards I had so many people come up to me and compliment me on a job well done. Nobody could believe how fantastic it was. I had a conversation with the Godparents of one of my kids Emilia...who played JoJo on Sunday. They said they had recently seen another children's production, which was torture to sit through and as they drove up from Manhattan to see Emi in Seussical they dreaded sitting through another show but they were floored, they shook my hand and congratulated me saying "It was AMAZING!" I went to Stop & Shop to get the flowers for my 8th graders and the florist said to me "Oh, Seussical! I have had a lot of people coming in for flowers for that show, they said it was incredible." 

I have never had the reaction after a show as I got from Seussical. Yes, everyone is always saying how great the shows are, and how much they loved them, and with each passing year it gets better and better. But this was a whole other level. I was so proud of all of my kids. They definitely pulled it together and it all turned out incredible. 

The day following the performance I hopped on a plane with family and friends to Italy. It was a much needed two week vacation. I sat on the beach, I ate a lot of gelato, walked up a number of stairs, basked in the glow of the gorgeous Mediterranean. It was a magical trip. We spent one night in Naples before traveling by boat to an island off of Naples, Ischia. It was beautiful, and our hotel suite that Carrie and I were in had a loft and it overlooked the Mediterranean. Breathtaking. We stayed there four nights, eating delicious food and spending quality time with each other. 

Following Ischia we made our way to Positano, where we had rented a villa for seven nights. WOW! The villa was incredible!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Three floors, again overlooking the Mediterranean. A beautiful terrace on the first floor and the third. It was so nice to relax. So nice to spend time with my friend Carrie, who I never get to see since her move to DC. 

The best part of my trip was a trip to the Thermal Spa Poseidon in Ischia. I can't even describe in words how beautiful this place was. It was an outdoor spa basically, pools of varying degrees of thermal waters, which were naturally pooled into the basins from the center of the mountain. Starting off at a cooler temperature until you reach 40 degrees Celsius (which I believe is around 80 degrees Fahrenheit).  The hot pools were alongside an ice cold pool...from 40 celsius to 15 celsius (80 fahrenheit to 45 fahrenheit I believe. Going from the hot to the extreme cold was an incredible feeling. You step into the cold and you feel it immediately, the nerves under your skin tingle and as you immerse yourself fully into the water the coldness constricts your breathing and your lungs. It's difficult to take a breath. But it's invigorating, and it leaves you with this amazing feeling. You only stay in the cold for at the most 30 seconds, and that's all you need. It's a rush. And it's addicting. 

Oh and also...we met Denzel Washington. 

I Like Him

He is a director, putting on his first show this summer on his own. He asked me to bake pies for it, things had been going well. I guess he still liked me. Why would he not ask me if he didn’t like me? But when I asked if he needed help setting up and he said yes, and then he asked at midnight that night if he could borrow four hundred dollars I got nervous. I had lent money to a friend, who was a heroin addict and used me for that reason, the high that she needed. I lent money to a man I loved, and he never paid me back. I had made a promise to never do that again. But standing infront of me, he wasn’t either of those people. We had known each other not even two months, but I knew he was a good man. An honest man, I could tell you that. And he paid me a little back (sometimes a little can go a long way). And he still likes me. And I still like him.

Brother

My brother texted me to invite me to his home for Christmas. He is almost five years older then me, and we never got a long. We fought a lot as kids and teenagers, and then mellowed out and I thought, in our twenties, might have connected. And that connection passed and to this day we remain strangers. I have love for him and wish him well, but after spending twenty-something years pretending to be straight, I can’t pretend anymore in my life. My inability to fake it, might be a product of my single-hood. But my brother and I, it’s not a good fit. And there’s a sadness and a feeling of, how am I responsible for this relationship? We make decisions every day as adults and it’s complicated, but when my dad was sick and I was left alone to deal with my broken family something crossed over in me. My brother had a lack of empathy that changed the way I saw him. He had his reasons, and I heard them and disagreed. It doesn’t make me right or him wrong, wouldn’t that be easy if that were the case? We didn’t then become estranged, we’re not estranged. But our conversations are short and stay above the surface. If we went deeper we might come to an understanding, but we also might drown. And my broken family can’t take another hit.

Green stained shorts

And then I met someone’s hand I didn’t want to let go. We met for lunch, in the morning, before eleven. He’s a teacher and this is his break. And I’ve been on a break for thirty-four years, so I agreed to the time. I was kind of excited, but he was always so busy. His scheduled overwhelmed me. I purposefully wore shorts, to show off my legs (I run a lot). I arrived first. He came shortly after, from behind. And I decided walking in to the restaurant, I wouldn’t try to hide the green stained cut off jean shorts I decided to wear. I didn’t think they would be stained. I didn’t even understand where the green stain came from. I still don’t. I also didn’t try to be funny or serious or any variation of what I once thought you were suppose to try to be when meeting someone new -  whether it be romantic or not. And to be fair, I really did stop doing that around thirty. But he was even more attractive in person. I figured I would never see him again, but before I even got home he had texted me to tell me he thought I was cute. I didn’t know I could still be cute at thirty-four. I think the green stained shorts had something to do with it. When I washed them later that week, the stain came out. 

Post Traumatic Stress

Post Traumatic Stress. I have it, don’t we all? The stress of the day, the trauma of the past, and the future. His friends died in Iraq. If I had friends die in a war, I might drink too. He kissed me, violently, with a little bit of a bite. He expressed his true feelings, after dropping his beer. It was a pattern that I had been noticing, in the few days we had spent together. During which I often asked, does he want me as a friend or a lover? Our time together was always formal, military training having something to do with it I’m sure. And look I am attracted to lost and damaged,  being lost myself, or I was until I found myself. But when you’ve felt lost for so long, it’s easy to go down the wrong road. That’s why I carry a GPS with me, that way I don’t get lost as easily. That’s the idea, but I wish there was a GPS for the heart. Is this a friend or lover I should have? Does anyone say lover anymore? I just hate the word partner. It sounds like a business transaction. Boyfriend. Husband. I might just be a better person single. I just might be, but I won’t know until I try. Yes, trying letting someone in again. To see the damaged and the broken, when I lie in bed alone it all sounds possible, doable. But when he’s lying next to me, holding my hand, I can’t help but wait for the moment when he lets go.  

Intimacy

He napped next to me on the bed, soon his leg rested on my stomach, closer to my penis, an erection followed. Physical intimacy has been hard for me, but it doesn’t take much for me to get excited. I thought maybe he’d be a new friend, but after my first month in this new city, I had second thoughts. It’s the second thoughts I have after, that stop my head from following my heart. 

Heat

The heat here sits somewhere in the middle, comfortably. Running is harder here, rougher terrain, and the heat. It’s not just an exaggeration, it can suffocate you. It’s Friday night, I just cried. I haven’t cried a lot recently, but I’ve been feeling overwhelmed. That’s normal. Nothing for anybody to worry about. I try to tell myself to stop worrying, but for me, I can’t tell myself anything. I have to feel it. I have to sit with it. And sitting with sadness is hard. Change is hard. I’ve been told what I did, what I’m doing, having left all that is familiar is brave. It doesn’t feel brave. It feels a little insane, am I crazy? Mental illness runs in my family.

Leaving

You can stay in the same place and still find ways to leave people. In my new apartment I have a city view of downtown. There are so many people in Austin, and I don’t know any of them. It’s lonely. When I was new to New York, at the age of twenty-two, I was comfortable with loneliness. I had sat with it and befriended it, because I didn’t have any friends. And now I sit at thirty-four, alone, with all my friends fifteen hundred miles away. I use to think I hated people, but I just didn’t know better. It is true what they say, everyone always wants to make a connection. And when you make that connection, it changes you. And it’s hard to change back. 

Desperately Seeking Something...

I seem to be feeling low a lot lately. Just down in the dumps as it were. I don't know if it's the stress from work and the constant worry of screwing something up with one of our big customers or the daunting task of directing a children's production of Seussical Jr., a show that is all music and requires a lot of dancing. A show where multiple characters are on stage at once and all need to do different things. A show that has a lot going on! Or perhaps it's the combination of the two. It's all so overwhelming and I feel a giant stone has been placed on my shoulders. 

The 5K that I had walked last year and partially trained to run this year was this past weekend. I alternated walking and running, beating my time by only four minutes from last year, which bummed me out. I was mad at myself for breaking my running streak and not getting back on it. Hopefully I'll do better next year. 

I have a lot of fun events to look forward to in the next few months. In two weeks I go to Austin, Texas for ATX Festival, a fun event where I'll be able to attend panels on my favorite TV shows including but not limited to, Orange is the New Black, Everwood, Hey Dude, Orphan Black, Parenthood etc, as well as a Friday Night Lights tailgate party. I'll also get to see my best friend Mark and his new digs. I'm excited to embrace him. 

At the beginning of July I will be traveling to Italy with my Mom, friend Carrie Vail, brother Adam, Uncle David, cousin Andrew, my mom's cousin Paula and my brother's friend Taylor. It will be a much needed relaxing vacation where I intend to do as many fun things as possible with a lot of sitting on the beach with a cold drink and a book and a great friend by my side! 

Then in September I will be flying to Hawaii for the Lost 2014 10 year fan reunion event. 

Even with these fun events in the future everything just seems daunting to me. I hope this feeling passes and soon. 

Am I Home Yet?

I finally left New York, after all the talk. The talk that went on inside and outside of my head. It’s been a month, and a few days. I sold my apartment one month ago today, I spent a week with my parents, I drove over fifteen hundred miles, to Austin. To Texas. To a new life. Is that exciting? I don’t know anybody here, but I’ve always been alone so this should be easy. But alone at twenty-two is different then thirty-four, because I found friends that became family, and then I left them, just like we leave family. Can you ever go home again? Where is home? 

To Be Me

There’s a scratch above my forehead, that bled slightly. It will heal in a day or two, how did it happen? I do not know. But maybe the wound will stay open long enough for real change to occur. Most moments in life pass and you don’t realize that this was a moment. This is it. Someone’s probably said that before, but as I sit here typing, my legs shaking, I know this moment right now, will change my life. I said I wanted to change, because whether you like it or not change happens. And maybe if I say it, I will have control over it. I am torn between my heart and head, and I still don’t know which will win over. 

I wake up every morning at peace, for about a minute nothing worries me. There is a bit of light that seeps through my curtains and hits my ceiling. I sometimes hear a honking, commuters on their way to someplace.  Where am I on my way too?

I slept last night, thanks to some cold medicine, and now almost feel brand new. Everything is new lately, with my move. I haven’t moved, but it’s all I can talk about. Is there anything else to talk about? Everyone wants something brand new. When something is new, it’s usually in perfect condition. It’s shiny, representing a fresh start. As adults, we are broken, from the reality of what life is. And just starting seems overwhelming, for as adults, we are usually somewhere in the middle. The middle of success, failure, fatigue. 

I am actually writing a lot, the most I have in a really long time. It’s why I came to New York, and now I’m leaving, having not accomplished anything I set out too. That might always be an open wound for me. Maybe that’s why I am writing? To prove that I still can. I couldn’t ever say I was a writer, because I was never published. But I write, in the dark, trying to locate that area that lives, somewhere between my heart and my head. And the war that goes on between the two, everyday, in an attempt to be me.

It's In The Kiss

I’ve been on three dates, and from a gay mobile application. That’s not suppose to bring you dates. I am leaving in six weeks. I should not be dating, but as I leave, I find myself with the opportunity to date. When I was here, feet firmly planted, dating seemed obsolete. It was sex, or nothing. Not my choice, but just what the city dictates. My romance in New York was more with the city, then any man. And now there is a man, and it seems cruel. But he kisses me, and my stomach flips.. This is when I run, but I finished my marathon last November and my legs are tired.

His apartment in the village is just three hundred square feet. His bed sits just a foot or so away from where the kitchen is, and above his bed, is a homemade closet. The exposed brick is painted white. A sectional couch, which he loves, because at six-foot-two he can stretch out without hesitation, takes up almost the entirety of the living area. There are pictures of his life, scattered everywhere. It’s been his home for twelve years, and it feels like a home. I feel closer to him, being there, even without asking questions. A home is really an extension of the person, whether it’s decorated or not. I told him I was leaving, I asked if he would come visit me. He said he would, but for the first time, things are moving slowly, at the pace that I’m good for. But I don’t have time for slow, I have a month left. I stopped trying to create a memory, and just started being. He kissed me before I left, and I let my head fall into his chest and hugged him. 

We met up again, more than a week later, when the cold invited itself back into our lives. He didn’t kiss me back when I said hello, and at the end of the night, we stood on his stoop and he told me he liked me. But obviously, this couldn’t go further. It wouldn’t be smart. That’s what he said, and my left brain agreed with him. But my right brain said something else. I told him I liked him too, we made a promise to see each other before I go. He said he’d visit me, but then made a list of all the things he had to before he could make that visit. It was a long list. I felt like maybe it was his excuse, maybe he didn’t like me. But we saw each other for a month, so he must of. People just don’t like me back that often, and even less often do I like them. So the bad stuff is easier to believe. I never heard from him again after that night.

The Middle

I slept last night, thanks to some cold medicine, and now almost feel brand new. Everything is new lately, with my move. I haven’t moved, but it’s all I can talk about. Is there anything else to talk about? Everyone wants something brand new. When something is new, it’s usually in perfect condition. It’s shiny, representing a fresh start. As adults, we are broken, from the reality of what life is. And just starting seems overwhelming, for as adults, we are usually somewhere in the middle. The middle of success, failure, fatigue. 

Untethered

All my life I’ve been tethered to something, a family, a home, a city, a dream. As I move away from New York, for the first time in my life I am completely untethered. And I am scared, but also relieved. In the years when it was difficult to find a friend, I reveled in my anonymity. I enjoyed my anonymity because with it came the possibility of reinvention, for the first time in my life I don’t want to reinvent myself. I like who I am. Imagine that.

Storage

I cleaned out my storage locker yesterday. I found a trunk given to me when I graduated high school, almost sixteen years ago. In it, was my life from eighteen to twenty-four. I packed everything I wanted to remember in it, when I moved from my first apartment in New York to my current one, where I’ve now lived a decade. I’m moving. Did I tell you that? And so, now I sit on this cold, cement floor, in the middle of winter, sitting with my thoughts, goals and failures that I had or have.

Jazz

I forgot what a good kiss was. I am always looking back, so you would think I would find the time to remember. But, I haven’t had many. And then on Thursday, a kiss, that excited me. It made me want to have sex. But before the sex, it started with a dance. He played jazz, some Latin salsa. He took me by the arm and we danced in his living room. It’s the first time I ever danced with someone, like that. I have two right feet, so finding my rhythm took a few minutes. But I found it, he thought I was playing him at first. But then he looked into my blue eyes, and realized I am not a player. But he was, I never heard from him again after that night.

A Harry Potter Celebration

A Celebration of Harry Potter

Universal Studios / 

Islands of Adventure

January 24-26 2014

Cast that attended:
Matthew Lewis (Neville Longbottom)
James Phelps (Fred Weasley)
Oliver Phelps (George Weasley)
Mark Williams (Arthur Weasley)
Devon Murray (Seamus Finnigan)
Evanna Lynch (Luna Lovegood)

After a night of unrest, the excitement of the weekend ahead, Ben and I headed to Universal Studios to begin our Harry Potter fun. We had to wait in a long line to gather our VIP package, including the park tickets, our Special Guest badges and some super awesome souvenirs and then we headed into the park and immediately purchased our Wizard Robes. Ben bought his Gryffindor robe and I bought my Slytherin robe. 

We were set to go to Hogwarts. We arrived in Hogsmeade and headed to the Three Broomsticks for our breakfast reservation. They were serving warm butterbeer for the breakfast meal (one free breakfast and free butterbeer). It was delicious. A warm butterscotch deliciousness filled our mouths. We both had the pancake breakfast. Following breakfast we went on the Flight of the Hippogriff ride followed by the Forbidden Journey in Hogwarts. Then we journeyed to Universal Studios park and went on Men in Black, Twister and E.T. We walked around a bit, through the Simpsons section. 

We headed back to Islands of Adventure and I convinced Ben to go on the Hulk rollercoaster, which was his first rollercoaster ever. He did great, although he didn't open his eyes very much. :) 

We ate lunch at the Three Broomsticks again, he had the fish & chips and I had the Shepard's pie. Delicious. After lunch/dinner we explored the parks some more and bought scarves to match our robes, as it was getting cold and we were going to be outside for the film tribute later. 

The film tribute was great. It was held at an outdoor stage area in Universal Studios. The moderator introduced the cast and showed a short tribute of the memorable moments from the 8 films. I'm not going to lie - there were tears in my eyes. Then the moderator asked the cast questions based on clips shown of their specific characters. This was about the time when I fully realized my crush on James Phelps. Which I guess that would mean I also have a crush on Oliver as well, but more so on James. 

What did we learn from this:
               1. If Oliver had to choose a patronus for himself it would be of a Panda Bear
               2. Evanna Lynch is a huge fan of Harry Potter, and was even before she was cast
              3. Mark Williams is awesome.
              4. Kazu, the illustrator of the books that were just re-released with the new covers had been in some sort of accident where he was in a coma for a while and when he came out of it he had lost his short term memory. He had to re-teach himself how to draw, talk and walk again. This was before he re-designed and illustrated the new books, which are incredible!
              
Saturday we slept in a bit and then headed back to the parks. We went to the Toon Lagoon amphitheater for the 10am Q&A with the cast. It was a lot of fun. So many kids asked some great questions (which of course I don't remember anymore lol). One little boy, who was 10 asked if they had any advice for him because he wants to get into acting. He was ADORABLE. 

The Q&A lasted about 45 minutes. Then we headed to lunch and back to universal studios to check out the Expo. The Expo was awesome! We got some free post cards and posters, signed the "What Harry Potter means to me" wall, saw some amazing prints from an artist that worked on the films, saw a replica of Gringotts from what they're building in Diagon Alley park. Ben & I took an epic 'wand duel' pic in there. We took a pic in front of a banner of the blue car flying. 

We walked around a bit more, saw a sneak peek of the new park (the London side of Diagon Alley) 

Then we headed back to Islands of Adventure for the Master Wand Class with the Choreographer: Wand Combat Paul Harris with special guest star Mark Williams (Arthur Weasley). That was GREAT! We learned how to properly use the wand in four different movements with their corresponding wand blocks. They had audience members come up to try and then had a wand battle...which was hilarious.

After the wand class we went back to the expo and waited in the line to get sorted into our houses by the sorting hat. Ben got Gryffindor and I got Slytherin (which it was obviously fixed by the woman pressing the button haha) but still so cool and a lot of fun.

Now, the private evening event was saturday night, which Ben and I were super excited about. And were hoping for a meet & greet, because if there was ever going to be one, it would be at the private evening event, which only those of us who had the special passes were able to go to. So after being basically herded like cattle to walk from the marvel section of the park to the wizarding world of harry potter we made it into hogsmeade. Ben and I grabbed a beer and then some delicious food. We were told by someone who works there that Ben knows to go to the stage area for something special. (We thought it was a meet & greet). But then all that happened was the cast came on the stage and stood there for thirty seconds while we all took pictures of them. And then they left. It was so awkward and VERY disappointing. I was happy Ben and I were right up front so we got some good pictures, but we were floored that we spent all this money on these special tickets and didn't even get to meet anybody.

L to R: Matthew Lewis (Neville), James Phelps (Fred), Oliver Phelps (George), Devon Murray (Seamus),
Evanna Lynch (Luna), Mark Williams (Mr. Weasley)

So we hung around with our new friends for the remainder of the party, eating yummy food, drinking delicious butterbeer (all free), and chatting up. If it weren't for meeting so many amazing people and seeing the stars up close I would have been even more disappointed.

All in all though, I had the best time ever. I'm glad I went and experienced the magic. It's my favorite place on earth. :)

I'd rather live in the movies...

Everything is better in the movies. 
I'd rather live there.
Inside the creativity. 
Outside the negativity. 

Everything is better in the movies. 
I'd rather live there. 
Where the stories are intriguing.
Where the adventures never cease. 

Everything is better in the movies. 
I'd rather live there. 
The friends lift you up. 
The experiences twice the fun. 

Everything is better in the movies.
I'd so much rather live there. 
Nobody disappoints. Nobody makes fun. 
It's like living in your imagination. 
Anything can happen. Anything can be achieved.