the interviews

I got a job
as a host
in a steak house
and then I didn't
I wonder sometimes
all the times
"the plan"
it was for the best
dreams do come true?
i'm not sad
i had another interview
for the dream job
dreams do come true?
i sent thank you cards
i smiled and i was confident
i did everything right
i said everything right
when does that happen?
and here i wait
the day before thanksgiving
for an answer
to a question
i've been asking myself for a decade
maybe longer
what are you gonna do with the rest of your life?
what is your life?
i know too much introspection
but all these thoughts race through my head
as i sit and wait and prepare
for disappointment?
for approval?
what would i do with approval?
i did celebrate with a thanksgiving dinner with friends
i celebrated the dream job interview and the success of it
i took it in
like you should
regardless of the outcome
but what will the outcome be?
four days later
i wonder
31 years and 4 days