Hole or Whole?

There was a hole in my arm. Or was it my heart? It was infected. I thought I could pop it and it would go away. But it needed medication. I needed medication. Nothing too serious. The body heals itself. Our body is an amazingly self sufficient tool. I was whole again. Or was it always hole to begin with? Falling down the rabbit hole. Was Alice there? Picking at the scab. At my cuticles. At my face. Until the puss comes out. Until I'm pretty. Or am I suppose to say handsome? The temperature changes every season in New York City. And with the temperature so do people. It's not a big change. But  when the change first happens and you're not prepared for it, it can hit you hard. That gust of wind can blow you right over. And it can be a good feeling. You can get back up and look around and see the person or the situation in a new light. And that light can give you hope if you embrace it. We have to embrace it. All good things have come in my life from change. Change scares me and propels me to do better and be better. Do you believe in God? Show me proof. It's a nice story. Maybe it's more about faith. Who is right or wrong? What if we all our? What if we just accept ourselves? And when we accept ourselves, and only then, will someone else accept us. The dirt under my toenails are always harder to clean. The lines around my mouth when I smile show my happiness and my age. They show me how much I've smiled. How much more I could smile. Smiling is easier than crying.

Rest in Heavenly Peace

Rest in Peace Sweet Angels

Sandy Hook, Newtown CT

 12/14/12

I wanted to post a write up on this horrible tragedy and the incredible stories of heroism and sacrifice told in the aftermath. Upon hearing about the shooting that happened on Friday at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newtown, CT my heart broke for the victims of this unfathomable event. And now, five days after this happened my heart is still broken and these young lives have left a devestating impact on not only myself but the world.

Around the couple of days prior to the shooting I read somehing that struck me. Someone had posted a very truthful statement about how, usually after a mass shooting the victims are remembered for a while but the shooter becomes infamous and becomes a household name (yes, for a negative reason but still everyone seems to remember the names of those mass shooters). And I thought about that for a few minutes and sadly it is true. This person went on to say, that instead of remembering the name of the shooter we should remember the names of the victims, or at least the name of one of the victims. I vowed to do just that. As the names of the children and teachers who had lost their lives were released and their pictures alongside them, one young girl grabbed a hold of me. I don't know what made me connect to her.



Emilie Parker, age 6

Emilie Parker. She was said to draw and paint pictures for those she felt were sad or upset, always one to comfort. An interview with her parents showed them being sad and distraught, but showing empathy towards the man who killed their daughter. Alissa Parker, Emilie's mom even said that she felt bad for him, because she knew he must have been in a really dark place to do something like this and she felt bad that he was in that place. I give both her and Robbie Parker, Emilie's father credit for that. I don't know if I could be that forgiving. They seem to be amazing people.

It remains a mystery to me why people do what they do. What makes these people decide to do something so heinous to murder innocent people? And in this case especially. These children were just babies, barely lived.

The stories of those who sacrificed their lives to protect the children of Sandy Hook makes me believe in humanity, and has made me want to be a teacher; makes me want to be someone who makes an impact on young lives. These teachers, like Victoria Soto who hid her kids in their cubbies and told the shooter that they were in the gym, barricading the door as she did so. Rachel D'Avino who died shielding a student from the gunman. Dawn Hochsprung who died after lunging at the gunman to stop him. And a teacher who survived, Kaitlin Roig who during the shooting, hid her kids and told them "I need you to know that I love you all very much." It is teachers like Victoria, Rachel, Dawn & Kaitlin who are inspirations and who are most definitely Heroes.

I needed to write this blog to express my sympathy and grief over these beautiful people who are now gorgeous angels as I have been very sad over all of it. I needed to let it out so hopefully I can stop having nightmares. Having worked with children for the past 9 years with the drama program it is very difficult to fathom the heartbreaking tragedy that has unfolded in Connecticut.

So to all of the families I am so deeply sorry for your loss. And to those who have witnessed / survived I wish for you all to be okay.

Mostly I wish to all who have died a peaceful and happy eternity with God in Heaven. I imagine you laughing, playing and jumping on clouds.

**Victoria Soto, age 27; Dawn Hochsprung, age 47; Rachel D'Avino, age 29; Anne Marie Murphy, age 52; Nancy Lanza, age 52; Lauren Rousseau, age 29; Mary Sherlach, age 56**

**Charlotte Bacon, age 6; Daniel Barden, age 7; Olivia Engel, age 6; Josephine Gay, age 7; Ana Marquez-Greene, age 6; Madeleine Hsu, age 6; Dylan Hockley, age 6; Caroline Previdi, age 6; Catherine Hubbard, age 6; Chase Kowalski, age 7; Jesse Lewis, age 6; James Mattioli, age 6; Grace McDonnell, age 7; Emilie Parker, age 6; Jack Pinto, age 6; Noah Pozner, age 6; Jessica Rekos, age 6; Avielle Richman, age 6; Benjamin Wheeler, age 6; Allison Wyatt, age 6**

________________________________________



written by Lindsay

Christmas

I use to love Christmas. Most children do. And then you become adults and the magic is gone. But for me, living in New York City, the magic stays alive. I love all the lights. I feel like I'm living in a movie when I'm walking around the city. My favorite holiday as an adult is Thanksgiving, but I also love Christmas Eve. I love a good meal, being around family, baking, and the gift or two I know Santa (or Lindsay) will bring me :)


What's your favorite holiday?

It Will Be What It Will Be

I guess after three dates it means you're dating someone.... it doesn't make you exclusive, but the term dating is okay. And so it's been five dates now, with a potential six date on Wednesday. I say potential, because once you've been rejected as often as I have whose to say what may or may not happen. And for the first time I guess I'm just not trying to hope or make it something other than it is. "It will be what it will be." I love that quote. In the last two years now I've really tried to apply that to my life. And it's worked. Because with this guy, for the first time, I'm not running away. I'm scared. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know if I want him to be my boyfriend. I use to feel like you should know right away. I don't. But I don't see it as a bad thing anymore. I have a habit of getting lost in my own head. But it's time I figured my shit out and one of the first steps is not to run. Or maybe it's the last step. But I've ran so often that it's a step I need to take.

What are you working on in your life to make your life better?

p.s. a co-worker wants to hook up. should i do it? i have to do it soon if i continue to see this other guy... thoughts?

Inspiration for Writing

From HBO's GIRLS....

This monologue inspired me to write. What has inspired you today?

I came here to say I don't think we should see each other anymore. I don't think we should see each other anymore and it makes me feel stupid and pathetic to get a picture of your dick that I know was meant for someone else and you didn't even bother to explain because I made you think you don't have to explain.  So... I'm not asking anything. I'm really not asking you for anything. I have never asked you for anything. I don't even want anything. Okay? I respect your right to see and do whoever you want. And I don't even want a boyfriend. So... I just want someone who wants to hang out all the time and thinks I'm the best person in the world and wants to have sex with only me. And it makes me feel very stupid to tell you this because it makes me sound like a girl who wants to like go to brunch and I really don't want to go to brunch and I don't want you to like sit on the couch while I shop or like even meet my friends. I don't even want that. Okay? But I also don't want to share a sex partner with a girl who seems to ask for a picture of your dick. And also I don't want a picture of your dick because I live very near you so if you wanted me to look at your dick I could just come over and look at your dick. And I don't really see you hearing me and I don't really see you changing, so I just summed it up for you and I'm sorry I didn't figure it out sooner and you must think I'm even stupider than you thought I was already. But consider it a testament to your charms, because you might not know this but you're very charming and I really care about you and I don't want to anymore because it feels too shitty for me. So, I'm gonna leave.

I Slept Over

I had a fourth date with that guy. And I slept over. And it felt good. And my friends, excited, screamed a fourth date?!

It seems like so little, but also like so much. When you're single for ever and you're scared and inside your head way too much. Just trying to take things as they come, one step at a time.

We have a tentative fifth date. He even asked me to the Opera. Remember when Julia Roberts was taken to the Opera in Pretty Woman? I do. And like she says at the end of the movie, "I want the fairytale."

But this fairytale doesn't look like I thought it would look like. And another friend said that that's probably a good thing, a realistic thing. I'm just having fun right now and trying to be in the moment. Who has time to be in the moment?!

Instead of running away, like I do. Or thinking I might be settling, after being single for a lifetime. Allowing myself to open up and to see somebody past the first date or the second date or an orgasm and the size of there penis.

It could all end after the fifth date too and that would be fine because I've come farther with this guy than I have with anyone in else in a really a long time.

And we don't have much time... or maybe we do. But we never know. So, whatever, fuck it. I'm diving in to the deep end.

I hope I can stay afloat.

Scandal

Whose watching?
Shonda Rhimes created Grey's Anatomy. Remember the 15 minutes that show was good? And now she's created this.  I didn't give it a chance at first.

But, I'm kind of over Revenge. And I need a new soap opera. And so I tried this one out. I've seen five episodes and not from the beginning, and I hate watching new stuff in the middle! But I had nothing else to do and so....

I like it. I like Jeff Perry (he was in My So-Called Life)... and Tony Goldwyn (Ghost)... Kerry Washington is terrific as the lead. When is the last time a black actress got to be the the lead of a network show?

I don't know if it will fall of the rails as fast as Grey's did... or like most shows do, but for right now, I'm digging it.

Lindsay and Mark take the city!

Lindsay came to visit. You guys remember her, that hooligan? What did we do? What didn't we do. When Lindsay comes to the city, the celebrities come as well.

We were just walking down the street when Snoop Dogg appeared. He wanted to see Lindsay, but he has his fans too, so Lindsay and Snoop were not able to connect like they have in the past.

They go way back. Like twenty years. I think he use to babysit her or something. And look how Lindsay turned out...

She had never seen where Monica and Chandler lived! So I showed her. She had never been to Carrie's apartment! So I showed her. It was really nice weather.

She had the best cookie in the world. Where is it? You have to write in the comment section in order to find out.

We had a good time. We always have a good time.

Unhinged

Grindr
The sex-date-gay male dating app.
I'm on it.
Most everyone I know is.
It's the easiest way to get what you want.
Who meets people in bars anymore?
Through friends?
It's great when you're traveling.
As long as you don't take it too seriously.

That's the backstory.

The real story is this guy messaged me. He had a nice body. He wanted sex. I wanted a date. We met for a drink.

He said I was too nice. I reminded him of Christopher Robin. Winnie the Pooh. What am I doing he asked? He couldn't just have sex with me. I was too nice. He said. I've heard that before. Is this why I'm single?! And I through him off his game. He didn't know what to do with me. He'd go on a date though.

He was older than his picture (most are :) and he was Filipino (am I spelling this wrong?). I can't say I've ever been attracted to that race before. I'm just being honest. I don't tell him this.

But he knew himself and he was abrasive and sarcastic and funny. He kissed me on the lips really quick and pulled me close to him at the end of our first pseduo-date.

And then we had a second date. And I felt comfortable. And I let my guard down a little bit. Not too much. But we had a chemistry, a spark... it felt like it was not just in my head. But I still didn't know how I felt about him. About this. And instead of analyzing and spending too much time in my head I just let it go.

It was so cold that night and there was no sex afterwards. He pulled me close to him and kissed quickly before jumping in a cab.

We planned another date. Or the idea of one. And then it happened rather impromptu on Sunday. And we had a great dinner and then he took me to karaoke. And he can sing and he loves singing and he got me to sing and I am so shy and I can't carry a tune. But I had fun and I opened up more.

And he called me on my bullshit. And I liked that. I liked him presence. He likes to drink and he can drink and I don't drink, really. I was a little tipsy and at the end of the date there was no sex. It was Sunday night and past midnight and cold and we had work the next day.

He pulled me in for a kiss again, this time it was longer, but sloppier. I was a little drunk and he grabbed my ass and put me in a cab. I texted him the next day to say I had a good time and that I hope he gets the work done that he needed too. It was going to be a busy week for him.

And I haven't heard from him yet. And I wonder if I ever will. Because guys act interested and then disappear all the time. And there's no logic behind it. And there's no answer. Bad timing? It is a busy week for him, but how long does a text take? If he's interested...

With this one I still don't know how I feel. And I always thought you do. You know how you feel. And this time I didn't and it made me think outside of my comfort zone. I'm not always right! Shocking!

And so I'm wondering... where this will go. If this is something... or just another case of....

But here I am .. left unhinged. Because I want more. I want the fairytale.

Silver Linings Playbook






Silver Linings Playbook
Starring: Bradley Cooper, Jennifer Lawrence, Robert DeNiro, Julia Stiles
November 24, 2012

Going into this movie I knew very little of what it was about. The knowledge I had of this film was it was about a man who had a restraining order against him from his ex-wife and is recruited to be a dance partner to this girl. But I knew I had to see it when I found that Jennifer Lawrence was starring alongside Bradley Cooper.

Now I'm a huge fan of Jennifer Lawrence, she is one of the select few who pull me in to the characters they play. Her ability to portray a character wholeheartedly is undoubtedly seen throughout this movie. She is not only hilarious but heartbreaking as Tiffany. And Bradley Cooper I have mostly seen in movies for his looks. I mean he's no (insert name of award winning actor of your choice) but he's nice to look at. I wasn't expecting a whole lot from him but he exceeded my expectations. This film in my opinion brought him to new heights. I don't know if in the future he'll be as amazing as he was in this movie but I hope he stays in this path.

The acting all together was great although I am surprised Julia Stiles signed up for this as her character / role was minimum and kind of pointless. The story line and plot was interesting and captivating. It's not a movie I need to see over and over again in the theater but it is one I will definitely buy when it comes out.

I give this 9 out of 10 stars.
-Lindsay

HEALTH SCARE

A week and a half ago I saw what I thought was a pimple. I tried to pop it. It popped like a pimple, but it seemed to get bigger and it didn't go away. There was no sickness attached to this or much pain. As painful as it looked, but I took myself to the walk-in clinic. It turned into an abscess. Sometimes they go away by themselves and other times they become infected. They drained it with a needle and put me on antibiotics.

It still looks pretty gross. It no longer hurts. My check up went well. I'll have a bit of a scar I'm sure. But after thirty-two years, like I wear my scars proudly.

VOTE

Tomorrow is Election Day! VOTE!

I love politics - almost.

Here is a question for our readers:

If you are a woman and plan to vote for Mitt Romney, can you articulate why?

The Hurricane

On the weekend that Lindsay was suppose to arrive in the city to spend a weekend with me ( I ended up having to work) and mother nature had a hurricane in it's plan. She didn't come. I did work. And the hurricane, while nothing to talk about where Lindsay resides... was everything they expected and more in the city. I am fine. My home is fine. Downtown Manhattan did not fare well. I may have to walk to work tomorrow -- just a few miles. I guess I could take a cab. I need to run. It's been three days.
p.s. lindsay and mark have booked a trip to LA for April. I bought my ticket last week. It'll be a cray-crazy time. do you all remember ireland? if you do you know... lindsay might dress as cher. i might take a rear view mirror off a car. this trip knows no bounds.

I've Got One Hand In My Pocket...

Monday night I took six friends to see Alanis Morissette. And she delivered. Even playing in one of my least favorite venues (Terminal 5), it didn't matter. And I was the only one who had seen her before in concert. All my friends were kind of blown away and definitely impressed. Whether you're just a fan of Jagged Little Pill or all the stuff afterwards (go buy Havoc and Bright Lights!) she has amazing vocals and a rock star presence. She goes from harmonica to guitar to high notes and dances with her hair (we all want her hair!) like no one I've ever seen. The highlight for me was "Uninvited". Her band is the best it's been in years. No one in pop music writes music like her (for better or worse). She is a true original. And I can remember my gateway to her - summer of 1995. At the age of 15 and discovering her song "Perfect". Each of her albums is a snapshot of her life, but also of mine. And I still listen to them all today, in a much different way. What's my favorite Alanis song of the moment? "Numb", off her new album Havoc and Bright Lights. Look it up and then write and tell me what yours is.

I was Pitch Slapped and it felt oh so good



"Fat Amy, Cynthia Rose, Aubrey, Stacey, Beca, Chloe & Lily"



Pitch Perfect
Starring: Anna Kendrick, Rebel Wilson, Anna Camp, Brittany Snow, Elizabeth Banks, Skylar Astin
September 30th, October 2, 5, 11, 12 2012

Yes, you've read correctly, I have seen it 5 times so far. It's the type of movie that just grabbed me and never let go. It's comedic genius I tell you...GENIUS. Plus incredible singing and dancing. And Rebel Wilson. And Elizabeth Banks. And Anna Kendrick. What movie can go wrong with that combination? None I tell you.

Elizabeth Banks is (to me) the most underrated actor out there. I know and understand she's in almost every movie out right now but I still think her unbelievable talent hasn't truly hit the scope of humanity. She is just perfect in every role she plays, whether it be a porn actor, an acapella judge or a recovering alcoholic. Her brilliance astounds me. Her comedic timing is spot on.

Anna Kendrick surpassed my expectations...who knew she was nominated for a Tony! I sure didn't. But now I do and I know why. She portrays the lead girl in this film, Beca, who doesn't seem the type to join an acapella group. But her voice is beautiful...and the scene where she auditions for the Barden Bellas, using her voice and a cup to perform Cups is a definite wow factor. And afterwards I even learned how to do Cups! So much fun, you should all learn! :) There's no lie in saying she's one of my new favorite actors. No diggity No doubt!

The movie stealer...Rebel Wilson as Fat Amy. I can't even describe to you all how hilarious she is in this film. I mean, she is funny in everything she does (seriously, watch all of her interviews she's ever done.) But this is classic. I'm going to leave it at that and you can go see for yourself.

Pitch Perfect has soared to becoming one of my favorite films, and has even surpassed Bridesmaids as my favorite comedy. (but only by a little bit...still love Bridesmaids!)

I give this TEN out of TEN stars. GO SEE IT!
xoxo - Lindsay

Spoon

I maybe the oldest living intern. I got an internship at Spoon. They specialize in breakfast/lunch and do a lot of catering. I will be working with the head pastry chef. I will be doing all production. And I continue to do more and more production at my current PAID job. It feels like things are finally starting to happen - dare I say career. Could this be it? It feels that way - working six days a week. My plan is to intern for roughly three months and see where I fit, how I feel, what I've learned and the possibilities that might come of all of that. I've done internships in the past - in different fields. And nothing came, despite working as hard as I could at that time. I have no grand ideas of this being any different- but it feels different. It feels like where I belong. And that's all anyone is really looking for in life, a place to belong too.

Life Lesson

Memphis

Memphis! Amanda's birthday! She wanted to see Graceland. She wanted to see Elvis. And so we went, and we saw.

Beautiful weather, great food. The National Civil Rights Museum was worth the trip. And I loved Sun Studios (where Elvis and Johnny Cash and current artists like U2 still record music today). The economy has hurt the city (second poorest in the US) and the people aren't very nice. They say everything with sugar, but nothing they say is very sweet.

Amanda and I on her birthday. We went to this really great steak house and from the outside it looked very fancy, but then we went inside and it felt more like we were going to a picnic. Memphis on a whole felt like a trip back to another time, not what either of us expected. And that's both good and bad. But it was just great to be with an old friend (even though we're still young!)

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I am a wallflower. I have been since forever and will be one forever. But I embrace it, where as when I was sixteen, I didn't. Why would I?

If only I had this book then. Released in 1999,  I didn't discover it until Miss Lindsay insisted I reminded her of Charlie, the protagonist. And then the movie came out. I was intrigued. I saw it. It's my favorite movie of the year. It doesn't say anything new or go to different places, but all the technical aspects are solid. It's jut a very confident film. And emotionally it gets you -- I was close to tears, the friend I was with, was in tears. I just felt alive after seeing it, like a great movie does. I can't wait to go back again. And own it. It's one to own.

"we accept the love we think we deserve."

this is why the single people are single.

More TV

Weeds ended (it was my favorite show back in 2005/2006). The last season was probably it's worst (every show seems to go on one year too long). But I stuck with it. I love me some Mary Louise-Parker. Out of nowhere they produced a beautiful second to last episode. Parker and Justin Kirk were heart breaking and it's probably one of the shows finest moments. Find this episode and watch it. And so my excitement level for the series finale perked up. What else will they deliver?

What they delivered was a mixed bag - some of it worked, some of it didn't. But I loved the final scene. I loved that Nancy paid for her sins. And the use of the Rilo Kiley song that they used in the pilot was PERFECT. And any close of up Mary Louise-Parker thinking is worth watching. She doesn't need words.

I can't wait to see what she does next.


And next for me? The final episode of DAMAGES. This was my favorite show back in 2007.

I won't be buying the final season of Damages (the premiere rocked and then it suffered). Who decided to hire Ryan Phillippee (why even bother spelling his name right). Chris Messina returned (but with very little to do). Jenna Elfman showed promise (but was given little to do). Janet McTeer delivered.

Rose Byrne.. been a fan and have been since season one. And she had some wonderful moments, but the show was always about Patty (GLENN CLOSE).  This was her final hour. The best episode of all five seasons for the character and the actress. I'm glad Direct TV gave it a home. If the show still had heat, she'd be winning another Emmy. It was the kind of tour de force you only see every once and a while. The editing and the writing - everything about it worked.

One week until THE MINDY PROJECT - don't forget too watch!

Pisces

Escape, disappearing is a specialty.. if #Pisces don't like it, you won't see them around anymore.

I am a Pisces and when I read this, it felt like the truth. As I look back ( I have a tendency to look back) I realized it's my truth. I met this guy through bowling about eight months ago and he was really insistent on being friends. I never had someone so interested in being my friend. It was a little strange, but also flattering. And so we spent time together, he became part of my group of friends. That's what he wanted. To be part of the group. But the more I got to know him, the less I liked him. And I felt like he wanted to get close to me just to get to know my group a friends (because as I found out... and this is still true... he is intimidated by one of them). And slowly we stopped hanging out independent of the group. It felt mutual. It felt good. As I get older, I realize it's okay that I only relate to a few people. But this guy, he is all drama. And others in the group are seeing that now and so I've said, just for the record (all our conversations are recorded :) ) that I am not a fan of this person. I didn't go further than that. I will always be friendly, but for myself, I find him to be not so real. It stems from low self esteem. Don't we all have that? But as I get older I just don't find it useful to sit down and talk to people about their behavior. The behavior isn't going to change. I guess if I am super close to them I would, but I'm not a babysitter and I'm not going to tell someone what is right and what is wrong. If you're thirty -- you should know the difference.

Fall TV (Lindsay's Take)

To correspond with Mark's previous post about fall TV...he is absolutely right - DVR has become the greatest invention for me and I do watch mostly everything. But not Honey Boo Boo Child! (Disclaimer: I did watch a short 5 episode marathon last weekend...it was like a train wreck...horrifying but couldn't look away)

So what am I most looking forward to this upcoming TV season? Four words - Once Upon a Time!!! I am beyond excited to see what season 2 holds for the characters of Storybrooke, Maine. And who can resist seeing what the Evil Queen has in store? I am also looking forward to the final season of Fringe and the 5th season of Castle.

Last night was the season premiere of Parenthood and I enjoyed it, although the show is entirely too loud, all of the characters talk over each other and all at the same time. I end the episodes with a headache. But it's a good show.

There is a new series that is starting up soon and I am HIGHLY anticipating it ... it is called Revolution. Can't wait for that to start. When it does, I will give you a review.

What else do I watch? Well you're going to be sorry you asked because I will now give you a breakdown:

Summer shows:
Dance Moms
Rizzoli & Isles (will start up again in November)
Army Wives

Fall Shows:
Once Upon a Time
Castle
Parenthood
Go On
The New Normal
Modern Family
The Middle
New Girl
The Big Bang Theory
Fringe
Revolution
666 Park Avenue
Touch
Bones
The Voice
Grey's Anatomy
Private Practice
Raising Hope
Don't Trust the B*** in Apt 23
Happy Endings
Criminal Minds
Law & Order: SVU
Up All Night


Shows that I love but can't watch due to not being able to afford HBO/Showtime:
Dexter
True Blood
Weeds
Californication

PHEW!
--Lindsay

Fall TV

What are you looking forward to watching?

Lindsay and I are TV addicts, well I like to think I have some self control. But Lindsay, thanks to DVR... literally watches mostly everything. Who can resist Honey Boo Boo?

But that's why we love her. Why hasn't TV Guide hired her yet? Where is she? She's Rhode Island's most famous socialite so it's hard to get her to blog.


But I digress... or do I?

I have watched the Mindy Project pilot. I love it. I love looking at Chris Messina (ever since Six Feet Under) and Mindy Kaling is genius. Who can say no to a good romantic comedy? I can't. And this looks like it will be a great one. It is just the pilot.

And what else am I watching... Homeland. It took me a few episodes to get into it, but I got into it. Claire Danes should win herself another Emmy (best actress of her generation... in my opinion). Damian Lewis is equally stunning. And the second season is about to start. I can't wait to see where it goes.

Havoc and Bright Lights

All lyrics by Alanis Morissette from her new album HAVOC AND BRIGHT LIGHTS.

The two songs below... are my two favorite tracks. And they speak to where I am in my life (for better or worse) over this past week.

I can't wait to see her live in October!

NUMB

I feel slow and encumbered and defeated and drawn
Disappointed, over-extended and frustrated and shaken
This overhealing, over-loving, discontentment goes on
This entrancement. Intuition.
I'll be checked out, I'll be gone


HAVOC

I'm slipping grip I'm
Up to my tricks off my wagon
I have no defense I'm
Wreaking havoc
Wreaking havoc and consequence

These are just two short snapshots of each song... it's actually more 'bright lights' than 'havoc' , but after her last disc... it's comforting. Her bravery inspires me and her voice, so unique.  It's like she became my friend at fifteen through conversation she started with her song 'perfect' and we've kept that conversation going seventeen years later.

Who am I?

I have pondered this question many times throughout my life, more often now as I face my impending move across the country. Many people know who they are, what they like, dislike and what they want out of life. Most people are on the path they have set for themselves at an early age, whether it be starting a family and settling down or in a career that they have worked hard to get to.

Where am I? I am nowhere, and see no path ahead where I want to go. Yes, California is ultimately where I would like to live, set roots. But how do I get there? And what if I fail? Again. I have tried to move out there a couple of times, but the box I have built around myself, securing me in my comfort zone has grown stronger and tougher to break over the years. How do I break that?

And how can I achieve success in anything in my future if I don't believe in myself...and how do I believe in myself if I don't know who I am?

I sit here, talking to you (our loyal readers) and simply wonder how to move forward. And I think to myself what do I like? What do I want to do? What don't I like? Yes I know I love television, movies, books etc. I get immersed into the un-reality of it all. I can lose myself in the stories portrayed in any of those and dream up a life in which I am happy. A life in which I am not afraid. By many of the experiences I have had in my 32 years I have gained the knowledge that I am truly afraid of the unknown. Once I overcome my initial fear I am usually okay. So maybe that's all I have to do. Is to just 'get over it.' But It's easier said than done.

I just finished watching the film 'Eat, Pray, Love' starring the lovely Julia Roberts and wish that I could take one of those epic journeys to find myself...to truly get to know me. But it takes a lot of money to do that. And that is something I do not have.

So I will continue on my road to whatever this life leads me and I will dream and hope and maybe I will find whatever it is I am looking for. If you find it...please send it in my direction.

-much love
L

Fuck Everyone

Fuck Everyone.

I say this a lot. And I don't mean it literally. I mean, like sometimes people just suck. Sometimes days just suck. Saturday was one of those days for me. I accepted a counterfeit bill at work earlier in the week and got reprimanded for it on Saturday. And I should. I made a mistake. But I make mistakes. And never was I schooled in how to determine if a bill is fraud. That fraud pen was never explained to me. And it isn't even hundred percent proof that I was the one to make this mistake. But then I had to listen to passive aggressive digs all day. And I just don't care. Maybe I'm just not cut out for work. Maybe I suck at it. Maybe I should just plan vacations and travel. And skip the rest. Because I should care. But before I hit thirty, I would make a mistake and I would really care and beat myself up over it. And now I make a mistake and I feel nothing. I don't feel bad or good. It's just like whatever. Why stress over it? Because I use to stress and I got no where. And now I don't stress... and I'm still going... no where? It's just one of those days. Wake me up when I am in far away from reality. I always loved Never Never Land.

Mark's PlayList

Music is a great common denominator. All art is, in my opinion. Searching through my music I noticed my top 25 Most Played Songs. I have different playlists for different moods - sleep, gym, dance etc. Yes, I like music when I sleep. And still I was surprised by most of the top 25 Most Played... what are your 25 Most Played Songs? Let's share. I embrace all my music... below is my list.

1. You've Got the Love - Florence + Machine
2. Pacific Coast Highway - Hole
3. Honey - Hole
4. If You Leave Me Now - Chicago
5. Dreams - Fleetwood Mac
6. Better Days - Eddie Vedder
7. Good Life - One Republic
8. Right Through You - Alanis Morissette
9. Irreplaceable - Beyonce
10. How I Feel - Kelly Clarkson
11. Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac
12. If - Janet Jackson
13. I Could Say - Lily Allen
14. Speechless - Lady Gaga
15. Since U Been Gone - Kelly Clarkson
16. The Heart of the Matter - India.Arie
17. Like a Friend - Pulp
18. Straitjacket - Alanis Morissette
19. Happy Ending Story - Hole
20. Shake It Off - Mariah Carey
21. In My Life - The Beatles
22. Girls Just Want to Have Fun - Cyndi Lauper
23. Everyday Is A Winding Road - Sheryl Crow
24. Kiss With a Fist - Florence + Machine
25. Head Over Feet - Alanis Morissette

Mark's Olympic VIew

I don't know his name. I don't know what he competed in, but he is worth the four year wait until next year.

He gives us all hope and something to strive for. Well done!

Swimming ... and even more Swimming



Elizabeth Beisel with her Silver!!!

 

Women's Relay: Lia Neal, Allison Schmitt,
 Jessica Hardy & Missy Franklin



The United States has made out very well in the swimming races throughout the past few days and I couldn't be happier. Swimming is one of my favorite events in the summer olympics and I have been at the edge of my seat throughout all of the races.



As you see from the above picture, the women's relay team won a bronze, so happy for them!



Dana Vollmer with her Gold Medal


And then to see Dana Vollmer win the gold...the huge smile on her face followed by Missy Franklin also winning gold, her tearing up at the awards ceremony. Both races I was at the edge of my seat cheering them on. And to think that Missy Franklin is only 17 years, a junior in high school in Colorado. They showed a video of her at home with her family and friends. She is the most down to earth kid with a beaming personality and has the most infectious smile.

In the boys we have the relay team who won silver, just behind France. Michael Phelps was part of the relay team, and took home his silver. But in his indivudal race he came in 4th, not even getting on the podium. But Ryan Lochte took home gold. Matt Grevers also took home gold in his event.


Missy Franklin with her Gold


 But the real exciting news...19 year old Elizabeth Beisel took home the silver in her first race!!! Why is this so exciting you ask?? Well only the fact that Elizabeth is from my home town of North Kingstown, RI !! Yes folks, her real claim to fame is that fact! :) Although I don't know her and have never met her personally I am so proud of our hometown gal. Go Elizabeth! She swims her second race this coming thursday and I will cheer her on!! You should too! She's phenomenal!

I also hope that Missy Franklin wins the gold again in her 3rd race. She deserves it all. They all do. GO USA!


Missy Franklin with the flag.
 Look at that smile!!





Ryan Lochte with his Gold!







Women's Gymnastics



Gabby Douglas, Aly Raisman, Kyla Ross, Jordyn Wieber & McKayla Maroney

 I'm not entirely sure how they decide the rules on this. All five girls had their highs and lows in each of their routines...vault / uneven bars / floor & balance beam, some more than others. But they all did excellent, especially on vault! I am not too in the know about how they decide that only two per country who can compete in the all around.

Out of this group of girls my favorite is McKayla Maroney, and although she only competed in the vault she was just phenomenal in that event, and if you saw the height she had you would be shocked! She was so high!

I wish all five could compete but sadly Jordyn Wieber did not advance to the all around and her reaction to that news was devestating! I look forward to seeing more from Kyla, McKayla, Aly & Gabby as the compete for a medal.

London Olympics 2012

Not only did the Opening Ceremonies to the 2012 London Olympics entertain me, they thoroughly blew my mind! As Danny Boyle (director of Slumdog Millionaire) set out to do, to create a 'live movie', he did just that. With an epic beginning showcasing England's history, from the Industrial revolution to a breathtaking dance routine by the healthcare workers and children, featuring a 50' Voldemort being defeated by dozens of Mary Poppins. And let's not forget the hilarious opening skit involving Daniel Craig as 007 and the Queen herself, parachuting into the Olympic Stadium! And an appearance by Mr. Bean aka Rowan Atkinson in a skit that of course was comic genius.

This was all followed by the parade of nations, and the lighting of the torch, which was brought to the stadium on boat by David Beckham. And was passed onto another athlete and handed off to the 'next generation' of olympians to run the track and light the torch. Then as if all of that wasn't grand enough, it was topped off with the most spectacular display of fireworks and an epic performance by none other than Sir Paul McCartney singing Hey Jude. The Opening Ceremony was incredible and I was so excited for the olympics to begin.

My following blogs will cover my thoughts and excitement on the various winners and whatnot from the US and my thoughts on what has been shown to us. So here I will just state that I always enjoy watching these amazing athletes and they inspire me to want to swim or do gymnastics. (Not that I actually follow through with those but hey...)

So Welcome to London! :)

Damages

Damages. Who is watching? Is is the little show that could. Award winning, critically acclaimed, little viewership. F/X cancelled it after three seasons. DirecTV picked it up for a final two seasons.

The final season is airing now. We are three episodes into it. I was a little underwhelmed by season four, but they are knocking it out of the park with the fifth season.

Go back and watch the first season. Tell me you're not hooked after that pilot. And keep watching. This show deserves your attention.

Favorite Yogurt

Mojo Coffee
128 Charles Street

This is a quaint coffee shop in the West Village with my favorite yogurt. And try the banana chocolate chip bread! The bakery I work at has a fantastic banana chocolate chip bread too, but this place rivals it.

The best part of the place -- they discourage the use of cell phones and other technology during certain hours.

In Love With

She fell in love.  His name was Heroin. He was really bad to her, but could also make her feel really good. Because she was sad, eve though she had it all. She had the money, the personality and the talent to go far. But He wanted more. And He took whatever He wanted, whenever He wanted. It didn't start out that way. At first He wanted only thirty seconds from her. And then He only wanted her on weekends. And then He wanted her after work. And then He wanted her before work too. And then He wanted her on her lunch breaks. And she would have to think of a reason for why it took her thirty minutes to go to the bathroom. And why her arms were bruised. Makeup could only hide so much. And then she got lazy. And the track marks were visible. And the joy that she had, was gone. She was dead inside.

And I see her every five months now, to make sure she's alive and to be the friend to her that I know I would want to have. But you don't think when you're young that you'll encounter this. Heroin seems like a crazy idea. A bad people problem. Good people don't do drugs. Ok, maybe they do. But good people don't do Heroin.

Heroin is something else. But they do. Good people make bad decisions and can still be good people after that bad decision is made. Does she live or does she die? Is she already dead inside? We're all addicted to something. What's your drug of choice? Where does your rabbit hole begin and end? Or is every end a new beginning?

NK Drama 2012 / Aladdin Jr. / Evilution

NK Drama / My Kids

Melissa, Myself, Catie and Julie



Catie, Alanah, Andrea, Michaela and Melia

I won't go into full detail of how the performances of Aladdin Jr. went this past weekend, but I will say that both were incredible. The shows surpassed what I even expected. It was funny, it was energetic, it was heartwarming. My kids astound me.

Now, I love all of my kids, even though some of them may drive me crazy. They all mean something to me, something important. And yes, I am closer to some of them than I am others. That doesn't mean I play favorites...it just means that I become closer to some of them. It just so happens that these five girls licking the cake are those kids who have a special place in my heart.

Catie, who has been with the program since the second grade and at the age of 10 earned the role of Belle in "Beauty and the Beast". Alanah was in the program during "Cinderella" and then rejoined this year. Andrea was in the program during "Sound of Music", then came back for "Camp Rock." Unfortunately she was unable to do the show this year. She has an outrageous personality and makes me laugh so much. Michaela, has also been with us since the second grade and is one of the strongest people I know. Melia, whose first year with the program was this year has been a pleasure to work with. Both Catie and Melia played Jasmine in Aladdin Jr, and I could not be more proud of them.

Not only have were these girls incredible in Aladdin but they also shined in Evilution. (Catie as Cruella de Vil, Alanah as the Evil Queen, Michaela as the Fairy Godmother from Shrek, and Melia as Regina George from Mean Girls)

Sadly this was the last year for all of them as they are in 8th grade, the final year one is allowed to be in the production. Hopefully they will come and help out backstage next year.

And if that weren't sad enough Catie and her family are moving to New Jersey so will not be able to help out, and her younger sister Melissa is unable to be in the show as she has been the past three years. Their upcoming move is very sad for me as I have watched all three Calabrese girls grow up. Julie started off with us in Annie Jr. and continued on until her graduating year two years ago with Alice in Wonderland. As I already mentioned, Catie started off in her 2nd grade with Sound of Music and finished off this year as her graduating year with Aladdin. Melissa started off with Alice in Wonderland in 2nd grade and had to end off here with Aladdin Jr. in the 4th grade. Along with Catie playing Jasmine this year on the Saturday show - Melissa played Narrator 1. She was my upcoming rising star. I am going to miss all of them so much. (See photo up top)

Frank Ocean

Frank Ocean. He sings about unrequited love. Where was this song two years ago for me? This song got me looking at past blogs. Where I talked about him. And I thought I had figured it all out and was so together. I wasn't. But time healed that wound.

Frank Ocean sings about loving a man on his television debut. That would be exciting enough, if he wasn't so talented. Love his new album.

http://www.latenightwithjimmyfallon.com/video/frank-ocean-bad-religion/1408858/

Life Update

I always tell Lindsay... "I will see you in another life when we are both cats."  I think why cats? Besides the fact it's a line from Vanilla Sky. We are both more of a dog person. Have you seen her Gracie?

And then I tell her, every passing minute is a chance to change it all around.

I started work at the bakery just over two months ago. I passed my food handler's certification two days ago. I got a one dollar raise. I got the chance to work production today for the first time. I had always loved baking and now I am getting the opportunity to see if I am any good at it.

And then my friend's boyfriend, a chef at a downtown restaurant that is doing very well for itself, suggested maybe I'd want to work one day a week for the pastry chef there. Could my life be changing? It is. Change happens, regardless of whether you want it to or not. Maybe that apprenticeship won't happen, but it's something I am definitely going to look into.

You can be over 30 and change your life for the better. You just have to want too.

Norah Ephron

I am a writer. It doesn't matter that it is not my profession. It is what I have done since I have ten years old, inside my own head, before finding movies, it was my way to escape. It still is. It's harder. To write something original and meaningful and funny. It's hard to just write anything at all. But the satisfaction that comes when I do. The place that my writing, on it's good days takes me too, is the high I think most addicts fine.

I was probably only twelve when I saw When Harry Met Sally... and it still is one of my favorite movies. Not just romantic comedies (which are probably the hardest things to write... despite the little acclaim they receive). And Nora Ephron wrote that movie. She earned an Academy Award nomination for that movie (she earned three Academy Award nominations total). She wrote books and plays. She was a journalist. She was a director and a producer. I was sad to hear that she passed away last week, at the age of 71. I didn't know she was ill. Her last film, Julie & Julia, I loved. But I've loved many of her movies -- Silkwood, Heartburn, Sleepless in Seattle, You've Got Mail. And I miss her voice already. It was specific and smart and fast. I plan to rewatch them all again soon.

Fire Island

I went back to Fire Island. It had been a year. My friends and I we throw a party for Pride. It's always a good time (and luckily good weather). We drink and we eat too much calories (and I come home tan), but also rested. It's been four months since I've left the city and I needed to leave. As my friend Linda says, life begins at the end of your comfort zone. Sometimes we need to leave the places we love in order to grow.

And yes, I met a man and I got a new crush. Just that feeling was enough. To feel. It's a powerful thing.

Rock of Ages



Tom Cruise as Stacee Jaxx


Rock of Ages
Starring: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Alec Baldwin, Russell Brand, Mary J. Blige, Malin Ackerman, Bryan Cranston and Tom Cruise
June 17, 2012 / June 18, 2012

Rock hard or go home! Two words - - TOM CRUISE! Who would have thought that I would have regained my love for him? And after this movie?? But he was phenomenal, outrageous, simply outstanding! Yes folks, he was so good that I started my movie review off focusing on Mr. Cr-uise-azypants. But have to give credit where credit is due. His portrayal of the rocker Stacee Jaxx was pitch perfect, from the bandana, to the girls, to the diva-esque antics. And who knew Tom could sing?! (oh right him and Katie sing random duets here and there...) Well this was different, it was approprate and he was kick ass! My crush on him from Cocktail has resurfaced. ::swoon::

As for the rest of the cast...well they were all amazing as well. They each were so perfectly cast and they could all sing (I'm looking at you Mamma Mia / Pierce Brosnan!!!)! Catherine Zeta-Jones proved that she can always deliver vocally and theatrically and bring humor to any character, and if she can sport a line such as "for the first time she felt like a woman...a woman covered in whipped cream and (roast turkey)* yes, but still a woman" straight faced is downright perfection. Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand were both superb, individually and as a pair. Loved Mary J. Blige, Paul Giamatti and Malin Ackerman. Thought that Julianne Hough was a sweet and excellent Sherrie - and side note, if I looked like her in the outfit she wears at the end I would be very happy - and Diego Boneta was great as Drew / Wolfgang von Cult. I would like to marry him, he is such a cutie.

Now the movie...it was great. I loved it! So much fun, great music, they did well with adapting it from a broadway show to a film. Cut out a few things/songs, added some new stuff and songs. It definitely lived up to my expectations and after seeing it twice (even better the second time) I definitely plan on purchasing this on blu-ray.

* She said something about turkey just not sure exactly what it was

I give it 9 1/2 out of 10 stars.

What Remains

Carole Radziwill wrote wrote a book
about losing her best friend and her husband in the same three weeks
What Remains
she was on Oprah
emmy and Peabody award winning journalist
a Princess
and now a Real Housewife of New York
a guilty pleasure of mine
loving Bethenny's new talk show too
but never picked up the book until now
and it moved me in a way you want every good book to move you
and because I am so introspective
it probed me to ask questions about myself
about What Remains of my dreams
and I realized something
that I am happy
without a boyfriend
without the dream job
whatever any of that is suppose to mean
i found happiness
every day isn't a picnic
but i found a way to breathe
i am ok
despite not having what society tells you
not that i don't want that experience that society paints
but i am happy
i have a good life
and What Remains was a reminder of that for me
because it could all be gone tomorrow
and if it were
that would be ok
because today i am ok
and tomorrow i'll be ok

are you ok?

The EVIL QUEEN

Move over Julia Roberts and Charlize Theron.

This is the real EVIL QUEEN.

Amanda takes the city!

Melba's
300 W 114th Street


Amanda came to visit this weekend. I took her to Melba's for brunch. There is no reservation list. The place is very small. I had heard good things, but had never been. I didn't know what kind of wait to expect. It exceeded my expectation from the food to the decor. And there was no wait. Amanda got the egg nog waffles and I ordered the cinnamon raisin french toast. Delicious! Another great neighborhood find-- that is building up quite the celebrity reputation if you decide to google it.

What did we do next? We travelled through Soho. I contemplated buying sunglasses ( I am still thinking about it! ). But at a pop sale I ended up buying three shirts from a Brooklyn designer. I love them all. Amanda bought two dressess!

And then we stopped at Jonathan Adler and I found the chair I want to buy ( if only I can sell the one I have now!).  Amanda also found a chair she wanted to buy. And we ate pizza. My first slice in six months! Below is a snap shot of our weekend. How was your weekend?

Pies & Thighs

Pies & Thighs
166 S. 4th Street
Brooklyn

I traveled to Brooklyn with Jessa (it is her stomping ground after all). And I like Brooklyn I do, but coming from Harlem -- that L Train is just no fun. Ask any New Yorker. But with a promise of fried chicken and pie. How could I resist? I plan to go back with Michael and Joey. That's how good this place is ---

Okay, so the mac & cheese left me disappointed (Jessa loved it). I didn't enjoy because of the hot sauce or the red flakes that they put in it. I don't know exactly what it was, but it was not my kind of mac & cheese. And I can make good mac & cheese, so maybe this makes me more critical? Okay, okay I know I said I loved the place and here I am criticizing.

So, I moved on to the biscuit, perfection. And then came the pie. I wanted eight of them. They come in slices or you can order a whole one for $35-55.

I didn't think any pie could rival Four & Twenty Blackbirds, but this place does. They are about equal. We ordered three slices of three different pies.

Deep fried apple pie
Smores
Banana Cream

I can't wait to go back to order three more slices. And the seating in the back is the place to be seated, it allows you to be indoors and outdoors. Perfect summer location. And good service.

6 Miles

Last week I hit the 6 mile mark. I've been running for the last six months. I mean, really, I started out just walking for 20 minutes. As fast I could, and now I run. Maybe I've been running for 32 years. But this is a different kind of running.
And I feel alive when I do it. As I try hard to change my body (down to 13 percent body fat!!). It's now become more about changing the way I look at things. I guess it really started two years ago, but all the cliches you read about, have truth to them, that's why they become cliches.
I might just not be so fucked up after all, but if I am, I'm working towards something. Goals are important. Change is hard. Change is good. Change is inevitable.

Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows
Starring: Johnny Depp, Michelle Pfeifer, Helena Bonham Carter, Johnny Lee Miller and Chloe Grace Moretz
Date saw: 5/12/12

Where can you go wrong with Tim Burton, Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter? You can't in my book (well we won't include Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter in that statement).

I know a lot of people who did not like this movie at all, who thought the writing was the worst and the acting subpar. But I have to be honest, I do not agree with those people.

I thought this film was great. I enjoyed it very much. The music may have played a huge factor in the forming of my opinion. It was perfectly placed and added humor to the movie. Loved the acting! I mean COME ON- LOOK AT THE CAST!

Now the ending. I did not like the ending. I won't give anything away but a certain plot point was thrown in there randomly, it was not built up or explained except for a tiny one line that Angelique Baine says during a final battle. It was thrown in there and thinking back on it there's no way that the people in this character's life wouldn't have suspected or realized this. That is my criticism.

So although I did enjoy the movie very much, I did not love it. So I will give it 3 1/2 stars out of 5.

-Lindsay

GUTS

Kristen Johnston
Two time Emmy award winner
wrote a book
GUTS
detailing how she found hers
after she lost them
literally

and it got me thinking
as I have now worked for two weeks
after 18 months off
doing something completely foreign to me
still learning the job
and trying to stay out of my own head

where are my GUTS
where are yours?
whoever is reading this
are you brave enough to admit when you've lost them?
and are you even braver to find them again?

finding yourself
again
and again
a noble thought
so grand in scope
a part of life that's necessary
if you want peace

it's a funny and truthful and worth the read

New Mexico to California

North Kingstown, RI * Astoria, NY * Newark, NJ * Albuquerque, NM * Gallup, NM * Four Corners * Bryce Canyon, UT * Las Vegas, NV * Los Angeles, CA * Santa Barbara, CA * San Francisco, CA

 

So many cities, so many states, two cars, two best friends and a helluva lotta fun! This is finally my blog detialing the trip of the year! I say trip of the year instead of trip of the century, because let's face it, I take a lot of trips.

 

March 14-15, 2012

Let's begin with step 1...the first leg of the trip consisted of a train ride from RI - NY where I met up with my bestie Carrie Wasserman. Staying at her abode was lovely and we headed out the next morning to Newark Airport. Exciting event # 1 - Charlie Murphy (Eddie Murphy's brother) was sitting directly across from us at our gate. Also Carrie saw Bill Murray, but I was in the restroom so  I missed out on that. Flight from Newark - DC was uneventful. Flight from DC - Albuquerque was the same. We watched some Walking Dead and I finished reading "The Girl who Kicked the Hornet's Nest." We then picked up our giant ford taurus (Apollo) from the Albuquerque airport and hit the open road. Even though it was late we both stayed awake for the 2 hour drive to Gallup (fun name of town), which was a random town in New Mexico, exactly what you'd expect, not much there and a creepy hotel.  But we got a decent sleep and headed out early the next morning.

 

March 16, 2012A long day awaited us...a long day of driving. Our first stop after leaving Gallup, NM was the Four Corners. The 'highways' around New Mexico, Arizona and Utah were what we city dwellers like to call a back road, consisting of a two lane road with a double yellow or a yellow dotted lines to pass the slow moving cars. It was terrifying at first to pass cars going 75+ MPH but once I got the hang of it, it was easy peasy lemon squeezy. (Also, the speed limit through most of Utah was 80. YEP! Craziness.) Also, there were long stretches of nothing with teeny tiny "one stop light" towns smack dab in the middle of nowhere as we drove along. It was weird.

 

Four Corners is a monument inbetween Gallup, NM and Bryce Canyon, UT. We parked the buggy and walked to the center, each taking pictures standing in all four states at the same time (Colorado, Utah, New Mexico and Arizona). Very very cool! We looked around a bit before buying some 'Fry Bread', which is a dough boy! (SO YUMMY) Then we headed on out and drove the next few hours to Bryce Canyon, Utah. The park was closed when we arrived so we had some dinner, watched some TV on our ipads and went to bed.

 

March 17, 2012

Have you ever looked out onto something in complete amazement and awe? Stared at something so magnificent that you wonder how in the world this beauty exists? If you haven't you need to make it a priority to travel to Bryce Canyon National Park. Canyons so stunning you can't believe that you're in the United States. We looked out over Inspiration Point and Bryce Point and I was stunned. It was freezing but worth it.

We left Bryce Canyon for our 8 hour trek to Los Angeles, CA with a quick stop in Las Vegas. The drive was long but a lot of fun, we danced and sang to the fun music of the awesome mix cd's Carrie made and we were in Vegas before we knew it. Planet Hollywood was where we went, Carrie forced me to gamble so I decided on a $1.00 slot. I played that $1.00 and made out with $30.00 yay me. Then Carrie played some random version of poker and won $10.00 YAY US! Then we ate some food and traded cars, getting a ford prius which was small and cute. We then drove the rest of the way to Los Angeles, CA.

March 18, 2012

WONDERCON!!!!! Best Day. EVER! We arrived at Anaheim Convention Center bright and early and met up with Carrie's friends Cheryl and her brother. We then booked it over to the booth we needed to go to and got in line for our wristbands for the Fringe signing. Luckily all of us got our wristbands (they only gave out 50). Then Carrie, Cheryl and Cheryl's bro went up to do something that I forget. I stayed and got back in line for the Alcatraz signing wristband. Once I received my Alcatraz signing wristband Carrie and the other two cool peeps met back up with me and we did the Fringe signing. Met Blair Brown (Nina Sharp), Joshua Jackson (Peter Bishop), John Noble (Walter Bishop), Seth Gabel (Lincoln Lee) and the two producers Joel Wyman & Jeff Pinkner. So. Awesome. 

After the Fringe signing we went upstairs and had the amazing opportunity to meet and have posters signed by the creators of Once Upon a Time, Adam Horowitz & Edward Kitsis!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! As you all know I love OUaT so this made my day even better! Then we got to get a pic with them!! SQUEE! Following that I watched a bit of the Alcatraz panel and then left the crew (OH also met Carrie's other friends Ally Baldwin and Stephanie Guenzler (sp?) during this time) to go do the Alcatraz signing. They all were going to the Fringe panel.

I did the Alcatraz panel, meeting Sarah Jones (Rebecca Madsen), Parminder Nagra (Dr. Singupta), Jonny Coyne (the Warden), Jorge Garcia (Doc) and Robert Foster (the Uncle forget his character name lol). SUPER AWESOME. I then met back up with the crew...saw the end of the Fringe panel and then we all watched the Once Upon a Time panel, which was so fun. We were able to see the episode that was airing that night and it was amazingggggg!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The entire audience even got a special treat of a OUaT notebook! :D

Following that we walked around the floor and bought some nice little souvenirs. Then we said our adieus and went back to casa Strauss (the home of Carrie's wonderful cousins Jordan & Natalie, who were kind enough to let us stay with them in LA).

As if our day wasn't busy enough after a tiny little shapiro stop at the House of Strauss we headed over to UCLA to see an incredible Grey's Anatomy benefit concert. It was awesome and the fact that we got to hear Sara Ramirez sing "The Story" live was breathtaking. <3 *TEARS*

March 19, 2012

Another fun day in LA. We ate lunch with Jordan & Natalie at a cute little place where I had the most delicious Italian Tuna sandwich in the world. Then we headed over to The Grove walked around a bit, went to Barnes & Noble and saw 21 Jump Street, which was really funny. That night we went to the LA Gun Club and met up with Ally & Breezy Baldwin and their friends Mac Hanson and his girlfriend Lauren (is that her name?) and did some shootin'. I was TERRIFIED to the point of almost backing out (thanks Carrie for making me do it) but after I did it once and realized it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be I had a lot of fun and want to go back **WE HAVE TO GO BACK!**

March 20, 2012

We ate lunch at Brentwood Country Mart, had a delicious burger and even more delicious fries. YUMMMMMY. Then we went to the Chelsea Lately taping. We got to see Jen Kirkman & Chris Franjola dressed as flies and Chuy dressed like a flower. The round tablers were April Richardson, Lavelle Crawford and Ross Mathews. The guest was Adrien Brody. Very very fun! We then went to Big Bang Theory, but unfortunately didn't get in to the taping :( Sadness ensued. So we did stuff and then went to Santa Monica pier. Fun fun.

March 21, 2012

After packing up are shizzle we drove up to Santa Barbara, stopping at the Zoo YAY ANIMALS and the beach for a hot second and then State Street where we dropped some dough at the Coach outlet. Then we had a lovely dinner with my Auntie Barbara and cousins Tom, Linda, Matt and his fiance Jamie. We stayed over Auntie Barbara's house, watching her hilarious reactions to the show Happy Endings (tee hee). Then slept.

March 22, 2012

We ate breakfast and headed up to San Francisco. We checked into the hotel, which was beautiful. And then hopped a bus to Alamo Square and checked out the Full House Houses. Super cool. Also that park was used for filming of the movie The Five Year Engagement! (I squeed when I saw the movie!) Then we went back cuz we were exhausted and we had to watch Fringe.

March 23, 2012

Took the traincar (hehe) to the piers and boarded the ferry to Alcatraz! Saw a great view of the Golden Gate Bridge. Took a tour of Alcatraz like a boss. It was really awesome. I enjoyed it and loved the history of it all. So cool to see the cells and the cafeteria. We then went to Pier 39 and ate hot dogs and cotton candy and walked around. We had lunch at Ghiardelli Square, a milkshake for me and ice cream for the Carrster. Yummy in our tummy. Then we met up with Carrie's friend Lauren Michelle and saw THE HUNGER GAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Loved every second of the movie. Then we ate dinner in the food court, yummy food. We shopped and then dropped.

March 24, 2012

Carrie left me with my mama in SF and so my mom and I saw The Hunger Games. Yes my second time in two days...be jealous. (plus it was raining so who wants to sight see?!) She went to her conference and I planned a surprise night, organizing my cousins Louis & Ben to meet us in SF and go to dinner. It was a lovely evening, my mom was surprised and we had a lot of fun. It was nice to see Lou & Ben. After our delicious seafood dinner mmmmmmm we went back to the hotel and slept.

March 25, 2012We went home. The end.

Red Farm

One of the top ten food experiences I've had in New York City in the last ten years. Plan to wait 90 minutes. Maybe even four hours. It's all worth it.

Red Farm
529 Hudson

Employed

 I got the job. I start tomorrow. It's basically retail with the opportunity to also trail on production. Everyone in this business has to do retail, and with such a small store, even the people in production do it. Can I do it? I have so much fear. I have fear that I will be fired. I really don't like making mistakes. And I feel less than when I do. Because I feel like all my life I've been behind. I've been told that I was less than and the bad stuff is easier to believe, so I've believed it. I'm almost over the fact that my career, or lack there of, isn't where it should be. What is should? I don't know anymore. But if being unemployed for so long gave me anything, it gave me the peace of mind to know that I am not on the same path as everyone else. And the pride that I had, that got in my way, that told me I deserve more... its humbled me. I have to work for it. Maybe a little harder than some... and maybe this is obvious to most. But I've never been given a break when it comes to my career. And so back when I was twenty-four, five, and even thirty, I was bitter about it. Everyone is really happy for me and that feels great, but this I don't know what it will turn into. It could turn into a real career. I could get my food handler's certificate and make more money. That would be the next step before I even thought about school. But at least there is a next step. I just worry, because I worry so much, what if this doesn't work out? But as I sat on my window and looked out into New York City, I thought it will work out. I will be a rock star at this. I got this weird surge of confidence and it feels great. I need this to be great. I need a great thing in my life. We all do, and if you're reading this, I hope you have a great thing too.

2nd Interview

I had dreams of working in pastry. Remember those dreams? Remember having dreams? Goals? Ambitions? I was still employed at this time. I knew I needed a change. Pastry is not an easy business. Did I have what it takes? I was afraid. And I decided to sit on those thoughts. And now here I sit, still looking for employment, I decided to apply to my favorite bakery. It's near my house. It would allow me to see what it is like to actually be in this business, before spending so much time and money. And a month after I applied, I got called in for an interview. And it went well. I got a second interview. This time I had to trail (aka work) for one hour. And I really did. I got about a 10 minute course in daily operation and then they put me in front of the customers. That was jarring at first. I made a few mistakes. I was friendly to everyone ( I really was! ) and I said thank you to everyone before I left. My mom said they were probably looking more at how one reacts to the customers and staff than if they made a mistake at the cash register. I felt like if I was hired after about three days I wouldn't have a problem. But what was the job? I still don't know. They said they'd talk about specifics after. The person that was suppose to be at my second interview wasn't there. I do know that more than two jobs are opening up. But what is the schedule? What is the pay? These are just a few of the questions any person would like to know. And especially after a second interview, so I sit and wait to hear back.

Maybe I won't get this job. At this point in my life, eighteen months later, I believe it will be what it will be. I have no answers and I'm okay with that. Life is okay. It has to be :)

Spring Fashion

 John Varvatos shirt. Pale pink with white stripe going down the front.

 Marc Jacobs pants. The leg makes the pant :)

Levi's stretchy skinny jean. Pop of color!

 Marc Jacobs.

Marc Jacobs. So soft!