Alice ... in ... Wonderland...

After almost three long months of rehearsing - Alice in Wonderland Jr. - finally went live! Emotions were busting through my body, coursing through my veins...I was excited, nervous, sad, happy. My heart was racing and my mind was running wild. Would it be a success? A Failure? Would the parents leave the theater thinking I don't know what I'm doing?

Well, after the shows were over I was bombarded with praise and joy. The shows were FANTASTIC! They went off without a hitch, perfect timing with lighting and scene changes. I was and am so proud!

Now I miss my kids. Yes, I know...I complained a lot about how they don't listen and how they annoyed me. But I love them all (okay maybe 99.9 % of them!) I can't wait till the cast party tomorrow night. <3>

Till next time --

Lindsay

Lindsay Will Cut a Bitch

This could be you (take note Barbara). Her show is this weekend. Wish her luck.

This saved me, in a way

Eat Pray Love -

"But I really loved him."

"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dinky mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries - you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing." I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what the word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby - you're just lickin' at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

"But I love him."

"So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in - God will rush in - and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."

He Turned 30

He turned 30. Bryan. My only serious relationship. The love of my life. Well, I say relationship. Friend. Best Friend. It's complicated. Read past blogs to f ind out more. But we're barely speaking. I kicked him out. It was for the best. I want to move. We we weren't getting a long. I don't regret that. My life is easier. It just became too much. He wanted to move too, but when both of his moving options fell through he wanted to stay. And I couldn't let him. Because he just became too much. He swallowed me whole. I served my time. I had to be let go. If he could admit that he loved me too than I could have forgiven it all. He couldn't. And that was hard because I know his feelings for me were more. But even though the last six months were really tough (the first year together was fun and easy). And I've seen the good in him. So, I knew the inevitable would happen. This was a four year friendship that blurred line into love. But that doesn't make it easier. I remember the bad times. I don't miss the daily drama (really we could be the Gay Housewives of New York City and it would have been a ratings hit - I swear - and I'm not even that interesting). I want him to grow as a person (God, I need to grow too). As weak as I was around him at times, I also learned to stand up for myself. People didn't realize that. But it's the truth. But I also remember the good. I remember how he could light up a room like I've never seen a person do before. I remember his laugh and smile (like a kid who got caught in the cookie jar). But he sends me random texts saying hello. And I find out from others how hard a time he has been having since he left me. And it makes it harder, almost. Because right now I still want him in my life. But for him it was a deal breaker. He wanted it all. No boundaries. I needed boundaries. He is still mad. We will never be best friends again. Well, I guess you should never say never. Weird I haven't cried yet, right? But laying down this torch for him has left me scary and damaged. Who can go through something like this again? At least the next time I'll be familiar to this path of recovery after my heart has been attacked. I will recover.

Meet Juliet Penny Cooper ... she is my brand new Mini Cooper. I love this car so much, it's so smooth driving and awesome! I named her after Juliet Burke & Penny Widmore from Lost. Yep...she's just that awesome!!!

What drove Lindsay to hit the sauce?