He Turned 30

He turned 30. Bryan. My only serious relationship. The love of my life. Well, I say relationship. Friend. Best Friend. It's complicated. Read past blogs to f ind out more. But we're barely speaking. I kicked him out. It was for the best. I want to move. We we weren't getting a long. I don't regret that. My life is easier. It just became too much. He wanted to move too, but when both of his moving options fell through he wanted to stay. And I couldn't let him. Because he just became too much. He swallowed me whole. I served my time. I had to be let go. If he could admit that he loved me too than I could have forgiven it all. He couldn't. And that was hard because I know his feelings for me were more. But even though the last six months were really tough (the first year together was fun and easy). And I've seen the good in him. So, I knew the inevitable would happen. This was a four year friendship that blurred line into love. But that doesn't make it easier. I remember the bad times. I don't miss the daily drama (really we could be the Gay Housewives of New York City and it would have been a ratings hit - I swear - and I'm not even that interesting). I want him to grow as a person (God, I need to grow too). As weak as I was around him at times, I also learned to stand up for myself. People didn't realize that. But it's the truth. But I also remember the good. I remember how he could light up a room like I've never seen a person do before. I remember his laugh and smile (like a kid who got caught in the cookie jar). But he sends me random texts saying hello. And I find out from others how hard a time he has been having since he left me. And it makes it harder, almost. Because right now I still want him in my life. But for him it was a deal breaker. He wanted it all. No boundaries. I needed boundaries. He is still mad. We will never be best friends again. Well, I guess you should never say never. Weird I haven't cried yet, right? But laying down this torch for him has left me scary and damaged. Who can go through something like this again? At least the next time I'll be familiar to this path of recovery after my heart has been attacked. I will recover.

Meet Juliet Penny Cooper ... she is my brand new Mini Cooper. I love this car so much, it's so smooth driving and awesome! I named her after Juliet Burke & Penny Widmore from Lost. Yep...she's just that awesome!!!

What drove Lindsay to hit the sauce?

The End...

Writing those words makes me an emotional wreck. The end was last night. The end of a six year EPIC journey. The end of a committed relationship with an island and its inhabitants. Yes, it is a television show, but it wasn't just any TV show...it was 'LOST'. In my opinion (and I have said it many times), Lost is the single best TV show that has ever graced the screen, and I really don't think anything could ever compare to it.

I hadn't realized how much I would miss the show, didn't realize I would cry. I knew I would be sad, but by the final three minutes I was sobbing like a newborn. The journey that these characters went on was emotional, unbelievable and life changing. I felt like I was on that journey with them through these past years and now that it is over I don't know what to do with myself.

The finale, although many will disagree with me, was amazing. The moments of recognition the characters saw at important moments during their flash sideways was just beyond moving. The acting done by the actors portraying the characters just heart wrenching!

The ultimate moment for me in the finale was the reunion of Sawyer & Juliet in the hospital waiting room with the vending machines. The smiles Juliet gave Sawyer as he tried to get the Apollo bar out from being stuck brought a single tear to my already wet eyes. Then as they touched hands that first time and they remembered bits of their island days and them breaking apart as if a jolt of electricity jolted them broke a tiny piece of my heart. But what really crushed me was the second time they touched hands and they recalled their many moments as a couple, and the terrible sadness of Sawyer as Juliet died in the 'hatch'. The look Elizabeth Mitchell portrayed in that tiny moment, part devestation and sadness, part happiness and joy and then Sawyer's words "I had you. I had you baby." OH. MAN! I lost it.

The finale brought back season one at the very end with a nice close...Jack's eye closing as the last blackout we will ever see, reminiscent of Jack's eye opening in that very first opening we saw. A nice closure, it came full circle. And we did find out what the show is all about. It was about people; their relationship to each other, their immense connections they made with each other, so strong that it transcended into their deaths. Yes, the show was about a crazy island with many secrets, and yes not all questions were answered. But would you really want it that way? I'm glad they didn't answer everything and we were still left with a 'wtf' feeling at the end...a slight confusion, but hey...that's LOST! I wouldn't want it to end all clean and closed. The show is the viewer's own interpretation of events.

Beautifully written and beautifully acted. I could not be more satisfied with how the entire series played out. Thank you Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse for creating such a remarkable piece of work! It will be eternally etched into my life as the best thing I have ever watched. Thank you to the crew for working so hard on this! And thank you to the cast for bringing these wonderfully flawed characters to life and making me and the rest of the 'losties' out there become so emotionally attached to them that we feel so deeply for them that we root for them to succeed or fail (depending on the character :0) ). And just a personal thank you to Elizabeth Mitchell and Josh Holloway (aka Juliet & Sawyer) for being so damn amazing!!!

LIVE IN HARLEM!

Click on the "Live in Harlem" to view my home. It is for sale. It has brought me much happiness over the last six years, but I am on to the next chapter of my life.

Anyone interested in buying?

Why no listen?

Well the drama has begun again. NK Drama that is. This year we are doing the show 'Alice in Wonderland Jr.' To be completely honest, I'm not really keen on it. I'm not the biggest ALICE fan but the kids voted on it so that's what we're doing. Remind me never to listen to 14 year olds! So because of the fact that I'm not a fan of ALICE I am not really into the show this year. It's sad really...I want to be into it. But I'm just not. The kids are really good this year. Both shows are going to be really great, with the talent. The girl who I cast as the Caterpillar (Emma) is beyond amazing. She just gets it, and her voice is phenomenal. And it doesn't hurt that she loves me haha. I'm her new best friend. And everyone knows how much I love all the praise and admiration from my kiddos. I love them all in return. (well not all of them...99% of them. That 1% who I don't like includes one such girl named Sarellen. It's not that I don't like her. She is just in your face annoying. And she is always at rehearsals...when she's NOT supposed to be!


So, rehearsals tend to be crazy because the kids do NOT listen. So by the end I'm stressed, anxious and depressed. I sometimes just feel very insecure and not confident in myself. What makes me a good director? I don't know. One of the kids, Jack told me yesterday that he admires me, lol...because nobody has gotten hurt. I certainly hope he didn't jinx it. (KNOCK ON WOOD!) But back to my insecurities; the kids shoot out ideas of what to do and they are really good ideas. So why can't I come up with any good ones? I really need to spend some time finding myself. I think I'm in Ireland right now. I guess I'll just stay here until September and be someone else. AHHH I keep getting off track and talking about random stuff. Sorry about that. Anyhoo - I totally know it's my fault the kids don't listen to me. I treat them more as friends than as students. I don't know.

Well I have nothing really to say. I am boring.

Seattle

Seattle.

Mark, Lindsay and Amanda travelled to Seattle. And it really was a trip. The flight was six hours non stop and I felt like I was going to stop. It was almost like a reunion for the three of us. We all went to college together. Eight years ago. You do the math. We majored in English. We were wicked smart.

I was getting over a cold, but had even worse stress in my life. Amanda was on death's door with her own cold. Lindsay was ... well she had pepto tablets from 2008 incase of an emergency.

It rained the first day (but always felt like spring/fall). The rest of the days were beautiful. We went to Green Lake. We went to the Space Needle. We visited Pike's Place Market. We walked through Capitol Hill (where I may move). We saw Madison Park (where Kurt Cobain and the guy who created Starbucks lived/lives). We walked through the shopping district. We travelled through Belltown. We took a bus (where was number 16?!). And we we're only there for roughly three days. I look back and think 'hey, we saw a lot.'

And stayed at the Edgewater - really on the water. What a great hotel. Our fist dinner at the 67 -- turned out to be just dessert. By the time we got off the flight even Lindsay looked like hell had smacked her in the face. But I recommend everyone visit. I wouldn't go to the Steelhead Diner. I may have spelled that wrong for my protection. Eh. Overpriced. Everyone was really friendly. Everything was very clean. It's a very eco-friendly city. But I do snore. And so then felt guilty and didn't get the best sleep. Amanda was sick and didn't sleep well. And Lindsay -- she had her music and Simon. She was in heaven.

Lindsay met a man. His name was Simon. Amanda loved her chicken sandwich. Sure, there were blood, sweat and tears. I nearly fainted/threw up after one dinner at a bar. But then I was fine. But we all survived. And the five hour flight home wasn't as bad. But we did wake up at 430am - never again.