Ireland Finally Came

Ireland was like 11 months in the making (thanks to Lindsay Dias). The plane ride was filled with bright light, crying babies, smelly food, and no leg room. But we arrived early. The jet lag nearly killed us (I went on this excursion with co-blog author Lindsay). The first bed felt like cement and the sheets might have actually cut us. It was almost as if we slept outside next to where they crush glass. The second hotel was a beautiful castle (Jennifer Aniston stayed there). The bed was an improvement, but still lacked something. The third hotel sat next to Merrion Square where Oscar Wilde lived (homosexuality was decriminalized in 1993!). It was beautiful. The bed was heaven. The trip saw us attempt to drive on the other side of the road (think the movie "Clueless"). The food was great (it really was). Such great hot chocolate. We rode planes, trains and automobiles. It was exhausting. The sleep was non existent. We went to the first gay bar the George and saw a drag show. The weather was bi-polar. It was rainy, cloudy, sunny, windy, hot - all in about twenty minutes. But it was fun. The people were so nice. Dublin reminded me of Boston. Howth reminded me of Rockport, MA. It wasn't until we arrived at the Cliffs of Moher (see picture) that I felt like I had arrived in Ireland. It felt like heaven. Pictures don't do it justice. It is something all must see. It is like the earth cracked open and what's inside is all that is beautiful and good. But as much as I love to travel, I love my own bed more. And I'm happy to be back in New York City (Lindsay lives in Rhode Island - it's not a road or an island!).

'Jam' Hit The Strip

Amanda Smith turned 29 (again). Or 30. However you want to say it. We travelled to Vegas to celebrate the event. We then travelled to the southern tip of the Grand Canyon. I say we, because, we can't forget about Jason. He makes 'Jam' possible. This is Amanda pool side. She's wearing a casual summer dress (without her big black hat that only she can pull off). The night before she wore purple sequence. I had to leave before the week is up. But more friends, a date with Cher and gambling are to follow. We stayed at the Bellagio (the room was bigger than a studio apartment in NYC). I visited John Varvatos (my favorite designer). The weather was hot and dry (5% humidity). I even got Amanda to take in the spa (she got a massage and loved it despite her complaining). I got a body scrub. If you see her this year please say HAPPY BIRTHDAY. She loves people and talking to them and she loves her birthday. She's such a sweet friend.

I Use To Have a Desk

I use to have a desk. It sat next to the main door of my office building. It was away from the rest of the office. This was a good thing because it was an open office. I had a button next to my desk that opened the door. I got so tired of pressing that button that I just left the door open. It's not like you couldn't just put in the code, but I worked with a small group of hungry, hungry hippos. No, really I did like a few of them. A lot.

But now I no longer have a desk. I was laid off. It was a job that I learned a lot from. But after three years it was time to move on. I kept pushing my last day back. And then I finally stayed firm on what I wanted my last day to be. I took my vacation and returned to work only to be laid off. I got severance. I got recommendations. It was a bumpy road, but I know an office manager is not in my future.

The CEO told my supervisor that Mark needs something 'more special.' I agree and I don't know what that will be. But I'm loving this moment right now. I'm happy, maybe? Excited? Motivated?

Happy, me? Let's just say this is a special moment. Life will work itself out. I believe that.

I now pronounce you...

This past weekend my cousin Ryan and his fiance Julie tied the knot as the saying goes. I was not included in the wedding. Neither was my cousin Haley. We were the only two of Ryan's cousins who weren't involved. I'm not bitter. Much.

There were many times growing up where I didn't feel like part of the family, where my cousins go. Being the only girl for 17 years had its downside, the biggest being all the boys bonded and became like brothers. For a large italian family that is the way it goes. Although, there is one upside, I have 8 guys who would do anything for me, and would protect me if anything bad were to come my way. Back to the feeling left out part...I remember when my brother and I were younger and we were at the Alpine Club (the go to place for all family parties and get-togethers) and my cousins Robert, Ryan, David, Angelo, Andrew and Anthony were all gathered by the door planning to play a game. My brother Adam wanted to play but one of them said "you can't play, this game is just for Nardolillos and you're not a Nardolillo." This upset my brother very much and so I said to them, "yes he is...we both are Nardolillos. Our mom is your dads' sister." They let him play. They would have let me play as well, but I really had no desire to.

The only girl. I had nobody to play with at family get togethers on my mom's side of the family. I hung with the boys but because I was a girl, they really didn't like to play with me. Such is life.

So when I heard that Ryan wanted all of his cousins in the wedding (meaning all his boy cousins) I was a little hurt. Not that I wanted to be part of the wedding it just would have been nice to have been included.

So the church ceremony was at 2:00pm on August 28th and it was a beautiful ceremony. Julie - the bride looked absolutely stunning and her dress was beautiful. When my cousins Rocco (ring-bearer) and Milania (flower girl) walked down the aisle I got a little misty eyed and when Julie came down I cried a little. Ryan looked so handsome in his tux and he seemed so happy.

The reception was in Newport and the entrances of the wedding party was so creative and fun. They all came in dancing. I enjoyed it. Then they played a slideshow of Julie and Ryan as they grew up and then them as a couple followed by pictures and video of them getting ready for the wedding. I'm not going to lie, I was crying like a baby. I was so emotional.

The food was terrible and the drinks too strong. I danced a bit with my cousin Haley and my 2nd cousin Ashley and my Auntie Donna and Uncle Al. Then I left.

As much as I was upset about not being involved, I am so happy for Ryan and Julie and am so proud to consider all of my cousins my family. So Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Ryan and Julie Nardolillo. I love you.

I choose love.

She was my grandmother - though we've been estranged for five years. She died last Sunday. Her funeral was this week. It brought together a family that is estranged. It was intense and sad and unfair. She was survived by my grandfather, who has to use a wheel chair most of the time now. He has Parkinson's . My brother collapsed into my grandfather's arms overcome with grief at the wake. My sister was overcome with grief at the funeral. My mother was able to keep it together for what it was, but as I said, she was estranged from her mother for five years. It was my grandmother's choice. She was a bitter, lonely, sad, vicious, jealous person. She use to attend her friends wakes only to criticize and gossip about the people that came to say their goodbyes to the person who passed. She loved to watch soap operas and whenever she could, she liked to recreate that same drama in her own life. She loved being sick and having to go to the hospital. She liked the attention. But as my mother said goodbye to her in the hosptial for the last time, my mother thought 'God, mom I bet you'd rather be some place else now.' It was hard for me to just be at that funeral. I felt so much disappointment and anger at my grandmother. I wasn't sad she had died. I was sad for my mom. So, I went for my mom. Because my grandmother died in my reality five years ago. It was hard to see my grandfather's eyes with tears in them, like a cup of water that was filled up too much and about to overflow. My grandparents had four children - two of them were my mom's younger sisters. They are their mother's daughters, especially the youngest. They were spiteful and hateful and liars and fuck-ups. They were jealous. But it was my grandmother who tore her own family apart. Her two daughters (my aunts) just followed her example. My aunts (and their husbands) came and apologized. They were suddenly ready to ask for forgiveness after years of manipulation and lies. It was hard to take. It didn't mean so much. I loved them for a long time. I hated them for a long time. But on this day I felt nothing for them. They felt like strangers. I was able to say hello and hug them. I felt pity for them. They really have so few people in their life. I really do believe they miss my mom and our family, but they hurt my mom (and my uncle) to the point of no return. Sorry is a nice sentiment and forgiveness is key, but to forget is entirely different. Maybe if one could understand where they could be coming from, but I already know where they come from. They come from a place of greed. They chose money over love. I choose love.

Eat Pray Love

Watch this video above. Then see the movie of the summer. It's so good.

Julia Roberts is an actress of tremendous depth and warmth. She's the greatest living movie star. It's one of her finest performances.

I am a Sentimental Woman

I have always been sentimental when it came to gifts given to me by the important people in my life. I remember when I was 16 I was really close with one of the girls my mom acted with -- Lisa Marie. I looked up to her and we had a great friendship. She was about maybe four years older than me (maybe a little more), age isn't really important when it comes to who you connect with. She once gave me a stuffed penguin with a yellow raincoat and rainhat on. I loved Lisa so I loved this penguin as it represented our friendship. I named said penguin ASIL (Lisa spelled backwards) because that is just the kind of person I am. I still have Asil to this day; 13 years later. Lisa and I lost touch for a while and recently connected again via Facebook. She now lives outside of RI and has a beautiful litle girl Melia. I miss her terribly.

Last year I went to California to visit my cousins in Temecula (an hour north of San Diego) and had a wonderful time. I have spent a lot of time with these cousins throughout my life, spent a week there when Debbie's son Anthony was born (14 years ago) and then two weeks there when Anthony was 6, Johnny was 3 and Eli was 1. They are amazing people...all of them and I love them with all my heart. So this last visit (Anthony 13, Johnny 11 and Eli 9) we went to the San Diego Zoo. While there I wanted to buy an elephant statue (I collect elephants from everywhere I go). Debbie bought one for me, a little grey statue. So cute. He is my favorite of the elephant statues. He isn't the biggest or the most detailed but he is my favorite because he was given to me by Debbie. I named him Radje -- using the first letter of my family's name (Rick, Anthony, Debbie, Johnny and Elijah).

This past weekend I had my friends Elle and Carrie over my house for a fun filled weekend. (we need to keep this streak on! every weekend girls!) When I picked Carrie up on Saturday she gave me a pink stuffed elephant with hearts on her ears, whom she named Stana. Carrie and I have the same love (and collection) for elephants and for her to think of me (because I had told her a few weeks ago that I didn't have a stuffed elephant) meant so much to me! My heart just melted. Stana is now my most prized stuffed animal (right alongside Asil) and will always mean the world to me.

Also this weekend the three of us made a music video to Kate Nash's song 'Kiss That Grrrl' for a contest the singer was holding. We had so much fun making it on my dad's boat (not so much fun editing it) and amazing times watching it that - that video will forever be a memento of our amazing friendship. I can see years from now looking back on that video as one of our many extraordinary adventures and I will always smile. I am such a sap, but I love it. :)

The drama program I run with the kids in NK, I receive flowers from the kids/parents each year after the show wraps. I love the flowers but what I love the most are the notes and handmade gifts I receive from the kids. To me, those mean so much more than flowers. I have kept each and every little thing those kids have made for me, or given me. I sometimes look at them and my eyes well up with happiness.

So yes my friends and our readers. I (Lindsay Dias) am a VERY sentimental woman.