Alice ... in ... Wonderland...

After almost three long months of rehearsing - Alice in Wonderland Jr. - finally went live! Emotions were busting through my body, coursing through my veins...I was excited, nervous, sad, happy. My heart was racing and my mind was running wild. Would it be a success? A Failure? Would the parents leave the theater thinking I don't know what I'm doing?

Well, after the shows were over I was bombarded with praise and joy. The shows were FANTASTIC! They went off without a hitch, perfect timing with lighting and scene changes. I was and am so proud!

Now I miss my kids. Yes, I know...I complained a lot about how they don't listen and how they annoyed me. But I love them all (okay maybe 99.9 % of them!) I can't wait till the cast party tomorrow night. <3>

Till next time --

Lindsay

Lindsay Will Cut a Bitch

This could be you (take note Barbara). Her show is this weekend. Wish her luck.

This saved me, in a way

Eat Pray Love -

"But I really loved him."

"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dinky mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries - you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing." I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what the word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby - you're just lickin' at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

"But I love him."

"So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in - God will rush in - and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."

He Turned 30

He turned 30. Bryan. My only serious relationship. The love of my life. Well, I say relationship. Friend. Best Friend. It's complicated. Read past blogs to f ind out more. But we're barely speaking. I kicked him out. It was for the best. I want to move. We we weren't getting a long. I don't regret that. My life is easier. It just became too much. He wanted to move too, but when both of his moving options fell through he wanted to stay. And I couldn't let him. Because he just became too much. He swallowed me whole. I served my time. I had to be let go. If he could admit that he loved me too than I could have forgiven it all. He couldn't. And that was hard because I know his feelings for me were more. But even though the last six months were really tough (the first year together was fun and easy). And I've seen the good in him. So, I knew the inevitable would happen. This was a four year friendship that blurred line into love. But that doesn't make it easier. I remember the bad times. I don't miss the daily drama (really we could be the Gay Housewives of New York City and it would have been a ratings hit - I swear - and I'm not even that interesting). I want him to grow as a person (God, I need to grow too). As weak as I was around him at times, I also learned to stand up for myself. People didn't realize that. But it's the truth. But I also remember the good. I remember how he could light up a room like I've never seen a person do before. I remember his laugh and smile (like a kid who got caught in the cookie jar). But he sends me random texts saying hello. And I find out from others how hard a time he has been having since he left me. And it makes it harder, almost. Because right now I still want him in my life. But for him it was a deal breaker. He wanted it all. No boundaries. I needed boundaries. He is still mad. We will never be best friends again. Well, I guess you should never say never. Weird I haven't cried yet, right? But laying down this torch for him has left me scary and damaged. Who can go through something like this again? At least the next time I'll be familiar to this path of recovery after my heart has been attacked. I will recover.

Meet Juliet Penny Cooper ... she is my brand new Mini Cooper. I love this car so much, it's so smooth driving and awesome! I named her after Juliet Burke & Penny Widmore from Lost. Yep...she's just that awesome!!!

What drove Lindsay to hit the sauce?

The End...

Writing those words makes me an emotional wreck. The end was last night. The end of a six year EPIC journey. The end of a committed relationship with an island and its inhabitants. Yes, it is a television show, but it wasn't just any TV show...it was 'LOST'. In my opinion (and I have said it many times), Lost is the single best TV show that has ever graced the screen, and I really don't think anything could ever compare to it.

I hadn't realized how much I would miss the show, didn't realize I would cry. I knew I would be sad, but by the final three minutes I was sobbing like a newborn. The journey that these characters went on was emotional, unbelievable and life changing. I felt like I was on that journey with them through these past years and now that it is over I don't know what to do with myself.

The finale, although many will disagree with me, was amazing. The moments of recognition the characters saw at important moments during their flash sideways was just beyond moving. The acting done by the actors portraying the characters just heart wrenching!

The ultimate moment for me in the finale was the reunion of Sawyer & Juliet in the hospital waiting room with the vending machines. The smiles Juliet gave Sawyer as he tried to get the Apollo bar out from being stuck brought a single tear to my already wet eyes. Then as they touched hands that first time and they remembered bits of their island days and them breaking apart as if a jolt of electricity jolted them broke a tiny piece of my heart. But what really crushed me was the second time they touched hands and they recalled their many moments as a couple, and the terrible sadness of Sawyer as Juliet died in the 'hatch'. The look Elizabeth Mitchell portrayed in that tiny moment, part devestation and sadness, part happiness and joy and then Sawyer's words "I had you. I had you baby." OH. MAN! I lost it.

The finale brought back season one at the very end with a nice close...Jack's eye closing as the last blackout we will ever see, reminiscent of Jack's eye opening in that very first opening we saw. A nice closure, it came full circle. And we did find out what the show is all about. It was about people; their relationship to each other, their immense connections they made with each other, so strong that it transcended into their deaths. Yes, the show was about a crazy island with many secrets, and yes not all questions were answered. But would you really want it that way? I'm glad they didn't answer everything and we were still left with a 'wtf' feeling at the end...a slight confusion, but hey...that's LOST! I wouldn't want it to end all clean and closed. The show is the viewer's own interpretation of events.

Beautifully written and beautifully acted. I could not be more satisfied with how the entire series played out. Thank you Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse for creating such a remarkable piece of work! It will be eternally etched into my life as the best thing I have ever watched. Thank you to the crew for working so hard on this! And thank you to the cast for bringing these wonderfully flawed characters to life and making me and the rest of the 'losties' out there become so emotionally attached to them that we feel so deeply for them that we root for them to succeed or fail (depending on the character :0) ). And just a personal thank you to Elizabeth Mitchell and Josh Holloway (aka Juliet & Sawyer) for being so damn amazing!!!