The C Word

So my Aunt, who is also my best friend was diagnosed with Breast Cancer a little over a month ago. When I heard the news I was un-surprisingly devastated. Why did this have to happen to someone I love? Isn't that always the way, your first thought...'this shouldn't be happening to my family'. Another thought that ran through my mind; why does this always happen to good people? It was a shock to our entire family as Breast Cancer does not run in her family, on either side.

About two week ago she had a lumpectomy where the lump and some lymph nodes were removed and sent in for testing to provide her with her future course of action. I was praying that it would turn out to be nothing. She received the news a few days later after her appointment with the radiologist that they didn't remove all of the lump, some of it was hidden. She had two choices - 1. To go back in and shave the rest of the lump and remove the rest of the lymphnodes or 2. To do six months of chemo and radiation to kill off any and all of the cancer.

She opted out of the surgery. Then she was contacted by her doctor saying that the radiologist was wrong, and that her best bet was to have the surgery followed by chemo and radiation. Now she is left in all of this confusion as to what to do. All I know, is that I hope and pray that after all is said and done she is left cancer free and well again.

She is a fighter who is strong and healthy (otherwise) so I know she will be more than okay and that she will come out of this experience all the stronger.

So for all of our readers out there, please keep her and our family in your thoughts and prayers during this time, and I will do the same for you in your times of need.

I hope you all had a very merry holiday! Here's to 2010 being over and done with!

HAPPY HOLIDAYS

Happy Holidays from James, Lindsay and Mark!

Lindsay's Year in Review

YEAR IN REVIEW

No Title

I can't think of a clever title for this here blog post so I stuck with the generic 'no title' approach. Please don't sue for lack of imagination. I promise, next time it'll be better.

So it's been three weeks since I've been living with one less organ. For those of you just joining us, I had my gallbladder removed on November 8, 2010. The surgery was pretty easy. As they hooked me up to the monitors to test my heart rate and whatnot they noticed my heart rate was a whopping 111! They asked if I was nervous, which obviously! Many a doctor and nurse were shocked to hear that I was not 18 years old but, yes folks, 30!

In order to calm me down they promised me a mild sedative before bringing me into the operating room. So after inserting the IV, which wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. The only painful thing about it was when she was flicking my hand to get a vein to pop out and then when she first turned on the IV to let the fluids pass through. A very strange sensation.

Finally it was time to wheel me in. Mild sedative my ass! I don't even remember anything. All I recall is moving onto the operating table and someone telling me to scooch a little closer. Then I remember waking up and being freezing. I was told later that I woke up in a lot of pain so they gave me some pain meds, that were amazing! Put me right to sleep again for a couple more hours. Then they moved me to the chair and finally got to go home.

The first couple of days were okay, I had to go back to the doctor on Wednesday (2 days after the surgery) for him to put stitches in one of the incisions as it was continuously bleeding. I know you really wanted to know that! But other than that it was easy breezy. The only real pain I had was my shoulders due to the gas they put in my belly to distend it so they don't mess with any other organs while taking out the gallbladder. So then the rest of the week was okay. I would get extremely tired really quickly and slept most of the time. Towards Friday and Saturday I was feeling awful, but I got through it all and now look at me.

I have been back to work, had the stitches removed, and am eating normally. yay me.:) So thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. :) They helped me through.

LA LINDA

I met Linda through an online forum about seven years ago ( how geeky of me ). But when she came to New York City in 2006 we met in real life. And we hit it off about more than a mutual admiration for Julia Roberts. And then she came back to the city in 2008. We had some more fun. And then she wrote to tell me she would be staying in New York City for nearly three months. She would study and live in Nolita, but basically just live it up.

At this point in my life I was done with New York. My one major relationship left me curled up in a corner. I was so depleted from my death of a job. I wanted to do something risky and New York felt too safe for me. And then Linda came to the city and she was so in love with it. That love rubbed off on me. I was able to enjoy the city again in some respects. It helped that I got laid off from that horrendous job. And my alternative (Seattle) became a bit more expensive then I thought, but really, the love I have for New York is like no other. This city feeds me. Those don't live here complain of the many tourists, the smells, the noise, the pace of it all. But all of that is why I love it so. I love that I can see and do anything I want to do in this city. And no other city can say that. I love how brutal and warm this city can be to your ego all at the same time - much like life can be.

Strong Like Bull

Lindsay is strong like bull. She got that bitch Barbara removed from her stomach.

For those of you who don't know what a Barbara is - there are three definitions:

1. A man or a woman with a loud voice.
2. A major surgery.
3. A woman with wide shoulders.

Wish her well because recovery is tough. But she will be at Harry Potter opening day. You can count on that.

Gall Stones GO AWAY!

So I have to get my gallbladder removed on Monday (November 8, 2010). I was diagnosed with gallstones after 5 weeks of waking up in the middle of the night with intense pain.

Due to my fear of going to the doctor I let this pain happen for longer than neccessary, but thankfully it wasn't anything too serious. Gallstones run in my family, both Grandmothers and one Uncle have had their gallbladder removed.

Unfortunately you can't really pass gallstones so the only course of real action is to have your gallbladder removed completely. Or live the rest of your life on a bland boring diet. Who wants to do that? Although I have lost a lot of weight, one of the only good things about being sick. What does the gallbladder do that is so important? Well it stores the bile from your liver and helps digesting fatty foods, dairy and spicy foods as well. So when stones form, and you eat those foods the gallbladder squeezes but it is being blocked by the stones so it's like squeezing a balloon (or something.)

So monday morning at 6:30am I will have my very first real surgery. My first surgery was my wisdom teeth. I am terrified but know that it will all work out and I will finally be able to eat normally and won't be in pain anymore after the recovery.

Luckily the gallbladder removal is fairly simple and only involves a laproscopic surgery, four small incisions and you don't even have to stay in the hospital overnight. So wish me luck. I'll see you on the other side.

-Lindsay

Easy A

I haven't done a movie review in a while now and this movie deserves one. A film about a high school girl who lived her life under the radar, not being noticed until one day when she lies to her best friend about losing her virginity to a college boy. From that lie rumors spread like wildfire throughout her school, making her normal life into a whirlpool of sex, lies and blogging. A modern day Scarlet Letter film.

Emma Stone plays Olive Pendhergast and not since Juno has there been a character so well developed and classically humorous. Her relationship with her parents is what every girl would wish for. The wit and charm in this movie are what make it the great film it is. And who can get enough of Penn Badgley?? Not I! One criticism I have is Lisa Kudrow. She plays the role of the Guidance Councelor who is really not very good at her job. Now Lisa Kudrow is awesome and I love her and I'm not saying she was bad in this movie...I'm not. She was very good. However, her portrayal of the character was reminiscent of a former character she played many years ago...Phoebe Buffay. I love Phoebe...but Phoebe and the Guidance Counselor are completely different characters. It just bothered me slightly that she wasn't very different than Phoebo (hehe).

I give this movie 5 stars and 5 thumbs up. GO SEE IT! I plan on seeing it again and definitely buying it on DVD (Blu-ray!)

Planes, Trains and Automobiles (OH MY!)

Ireland 2010

Dublin, Howth, Galway, Connemara, Cliffs of Moher

The time had finally arrived. After ten months of waiting it was time to fly to Ireland!

Have you ever been encased in darkness by a semi-dark light as a feather blanket, with a stench of disgusting food flowing up your nostrils and the sound of a screaming infant booming in your ears? Well I have...on the plane ride to Dublin. It was not pleasant to say the least.

Professionalism ... Ireland airport does not have it. Well the car rental place in the airport. I booked the renal car in MAY because I knew that automatics were few and far between. Well they didn't have the car for us and it would be ready in an hour. So we checked into other rental agencies around and as I figured, nobody had an automatic. So why did I book in May? I don't know. But I thank those agencies for not having the car. It was a blessing in disguise, we would later find out.

Our first hotel (Arlington Hotel Temple Bar) was located on Lord Edward Street in Dublin City and was very cute. Two of the hotel women (wh work at the counter) were very friendly. I think the older one's name was Nicola. I could be wrong, I probably am. They were extremely helpful. We did a lot of walking around when we arrived and then napped for 4 hours followed by dinner and ice cream and then sleep.

Let me tell you about the sleeping. The beds were about as comfortable as the stone beds the Flinstones slept on in Bedrock. The noise coming from the streets was like sleeping on a billboard on the side of a major highway in rush hour. The lights from the apartment across from our room was like sleeping on a broadway stage with the spotlight on full blast right on your face.

The city. Have you been to Boston? Yep, reminds me of there. A lot of very pretty buildings intertwined throughout city like buildings. The coolest thing, the doors were various colors. I liked that.

The food. Pretty great :) I was told beforehand that the food was dry and bland and gross. I mean we basically ate american food so maybe that's why it was so good. Best meals the whole week...Beef & Potates at the Ballynahinch Castle and Cajun Chicken and Pineapple Salad at Hugo's in Dublin the last night.

On Monday we took the train to Howth (a small fishing village in Dublin). That was my favorite day in Dublin. It was so cute and pretty there...overlooking the ocean. We had some ice cream there before heading back on the train with some obnoxious swearing 13 year olds.

We saw a drag show on Sunday night. That was great. I had a lot of fun. Mark caught a drunk guy...saving him from meeting the floor in an unfashionable way. He then kept thanking Mark. He was annoying. We didn't enjoy him. There was a nice guy there though who helped us understand the Ireland version of Bingo. It was sort of the same yet slightl different. Maybe we were in the alternate universe.

Tuesday we drove a car. It did not go well. We promptly returned it (thanks to the very nice Irish man for letting me follow him back to the rental agency or we would still be stuck somewhere in Ireland. We then took buses and cabs.

We ate at a great restaurant that had a wonderful atmosphere in the mountains of Dublin...called Johnnie Fox's.

Wednesday we headed to the Castle Hotel. The scenery drastically changed on our way and it was beautiful. My favorite part of Ireland was Connemara/Cliffs of Moher. The Castle hotel (Ballynahinch Castle) was amazingly beautiful. The hotel rested right on the river (see picture above), and there was a path through the woods that led to a gorgeous seren lake.

The Cliffs of Moher were beyond words phenomenal. I can't even express to you (our faithful readers) how beautiful and breathtaking they were. Mark posted a picture. And as he said...everyone MUST see them at one point in their lives.

Friday we went back to Dublin. The hotel we stayed at was right near Oscar Wilde's house. It was called The Merrion. It is very upscale and high class. The people who worked there were the friendliest. The bed was the most comfortable. The bath was so relaxing.

Saturday we flew back home. I had a great time but was so happy to be home.

Ireland Finally Came

Ireland was like 11 months in the making (thanks to Lindsay Dias). The plane ride was filled with bright light, crying babies, smelly food, and no leg room. But we arrived early. The jet lag nearly killed us (I went on this excursion with co-blog author Lindsay). The first bed felt like cement and the sheets might have actually cut us. It was almost as if we slept outside next to where they crush glass. The second hotel was a beautiful castle (Jennifer Aniston stayed there). The bed was an improvement, but still lacked something. The third hotel sat next to Merrion Square where Oscar Wilde lived (homosexuality was decriminalized in 1993!). It was beautiful. The bed was heaven. The trip saw us attempt to drive on the other side of the road (think the movie "Clueless"). The food was great (it really was). Such great hot chocolate. We rode planes, trains and automobiles. It was exhausting. The sleep was non existent. We went to the first gay bar the George and saw a drag show. The weather was bi-polar. It was rainy, cloudy, sunny, windy, hot - all in about twenty minutes. But it was fun. The people were so nice. Dublin reminded me of Boston. Howth reminded me of Rockport, MA. It wasn't until we arrived at the Cliffs of Moher (see picture) that I felt like I had arrived in Ireland. It felt like heaven. Pictures don't do it justice. It is something all must see. It is like the earth cracked open and what's inside is all that is beautiful and good. But as much as I love to travel, I love my own bed more. And I'm happy to be back in New York City (Lindsay lives in Rhode Island - it's not a road or an island!).

'Jam' Hit The Strip

Amanda Smith turned 29 (again). Or 30. However you want to say it. We travelled to Vegas to celebrate the event. We then travelled to the southern tip of the Grand Canyon. I say we, because, we can't forget about Jason. He makes 'Jam' possible. This is Amanda pool side. She's wearing a casual summer dress (without her big black hat that only she can pull off). The night before she wore purple sequence. I had to leave before the week is up. But more friends, a date with Cher and gambling are to follow. We stayed at the Bellagio (the room was bigger than a studio apartment in NYC). I visited John Varvatos (my favorite designer). The weather was hot and dry (5% humidity). I even got Amanda to take in the spa (she got a massage and loved it despite her complaining). I got a body scrub. If you see her this year please say HAPPY BIRTHDAY. She loves people and talking to them and she loves her birthday. She's such a sweet friend.

I Use To Have a Desk

I use to have a desk. It sat next to the main door of my office building. It was away from the rest of the office. This was a good thing because it was an open office. I had a button next to my desk that opened the door. I got so tired of pressing that button that I just left the door open. It's not like you couldn't just put in the code, but I worked with a small group of hungry, hungry hippos. No, really I did like a few of them. A lot.

But now I no longer have a desk. I was laid off. It was a job that I learned a lot from. But after three years it was time to move on. I kept pushing my last day back. And then I finally stayed firm on what I wanted my last day to be. I took my vacation and returned to work only to be laid off. I got severance. I got recommendations. It was a bumpy road, but I know an office manager is not in my future.

The CEO told my supervisor that Mark needs something 'more special.' I agree and I don't know what that will be. But I'm loving this moment right now. I'm happy, maybe? Excited? Motivated?

Happy, me? Let's just say this is a special moment. Life will work itself out. I believe that.

I now pronounce you...

This past weekend my cousin Ryan and his fiance Julie tied the knot as the saying goes. I was not included in the wedding. Neither was my cousin Haley. We were the only two of Ryan's cousins who weren't involved. I'm not bitter. Much.

There were many times growing up where I didn't feel like part of the family, where my cousins go. Being the only girl for 17 years had its downside, the biggest being all the boys bonded and became like brothers. For a large italian family that is the way it goes. Although, there is one upside, I have 8 guys who would do anything for me, and would protect me if anything bad were to come my way. Back to the feeling left out part...I remember when my brother and I were younger and we were at the Alpine Club (the go to place for all family parties and get-togethers) and my cousins Robert, Ryan, David, Angelo, Andrew and Anthony were all gathered by the door planning to play a game. My brother Adam wanted to play but one of them said "you can't play, this game is just for Nardolillos and you're not a Nardolillo." This upset my brother very much and so I said to them, "yes he is...we both are Nardolillos. Our mom is your dads' sister." They let him play. They would have let me play as well, but I really had no desire to.

The only girl. I had nobody to play with at family get togethers on my mom's side of the family. I hung with the boys but because I was a girl, they really didn't like to play with me. Such is life.

So when I heard that Ryan wanted all of his cousins in the wedding (meaning all his boy cousins) I was a little hurt. Not that I wanted to be part of the wedding it just would have been nice to have been included.

So the church ceremony was at 2:00pm on August 28th and it was a beautiful ceremony. Julie - the bride looked absolutely stunning and her dress was beautiful. When my cousins Rocco (ring-bearer) and Milania (flower girl) walked down the aisle I got a little misty eyed and when Julie came down I cried a little. Ryan looked so handsome in his tux and he seemed so happy.

The reception was in Newport and the entrances of the wedding party was so creative and fun. They all came in dancing. I enjoyed it. Then they played a slideshow of Julie and Ryan as they grew up and then them as a couple followed by pictures and video of them getting ready for the wedding. I'm not going to lie, I was crying like a baby. I was so emotional.

The food was terrible and the drinks too strong. I danced a bit with my cousin Haley and my 2nd cousin Ashley and my Auntie Donna and Uncle Al. Then I left.

As much as I was upset about not being involved, I am so happy for Ryan and Julie and am so proud to consider all of my cousins my family. So Congratulations Mr. and Mrs. Ryan and Julie Nardolillo. I love you.

I choose love.

She was my grandmother - though we've been estranged for five years. She died last Sunday. Her funeral was this week. It brought together a family that is estranged. It was intense and sad and unfair. She was survived by my grandfather, who has to use a wheel chair most of the time now. He has Parkinson's . My brother collapsed into my grandfather's arms overcome with grief at the wake. My sister was overcome with grief at the funeral. My mother was able to keep it together for what it was, but as I said, she was estranged from her mother for five years. It was my grandmother's choice. She was a bitter, lonely, sad, vicious, jealous person. She use to attend her friends wakes only to criticize and gossip about the people that came to say their goodbyes to the person who passed. She loved to watch soap operas and whenever she could, she liked to recreate that same drama in her own life. She loved being sick and having to go to the hospital. She liked the attention. But as my mother said goodbye to her in the hosptial for the last time, my mother thought 'God, mom I bet you'd rather be some place else now.' It was hard for me to just be at that funeral. I felt so much disappointment and anger at my grandmother. I wasn't sad she had died. I was sad for my mom. So, I went for my mom. Because my grandmother died in my reality five years ago. It was hard to see my grandfather's eyes with tears in them, like a cup of water that was filled up too much and about to overflow. My grandparents had four children - two of them were my mom's younger sisters. They are their mother's daughters, especially the youngest. They were spiteful and hateful and liars and fuck-ups. They were jealous. But it was my grandmother who tore her own family apart. Her two daughters (my aunts) just followed her example. My aunts (and their husbands) came and apologized. They were suddenly ready to ask for forgiveness after years of manipulation and lies. It was hard to take. It didn't mean so much. I loved them for a long time. I hated them for a long time. But on this day I felt nothing for them. They felt like strangers. I was able to say hello and hug them. I felt pity for them. They really have so few people in their life. I really do believe they miss my mom and our family, but they hurt my mom (and my uncle) to the point of no return. Sorry is a nice sentiment and forgiveness is key, but to forget is entirely different. Maybe if one could understand where they could be coming from, but I already know where they come from. They come from a place of greed. They chose money over love. I choose love.

Eat Pray Love

Watch this video above. Then see the movie of the summer. It's so good.

Julia Roberts is an actress of tremendous depth and warmth. She's the greatest living movie star. It's one of her finest performances.

I am a Sentimental Woman

I have always been sentimental when it came to gifts given to me by the important people in my life. I remember when I was 16 I was really close with one of the girls my mom acted with -- Lisa Marie. I looked up to her and we had a great friendship. She was about maybe four years older than me (maybe a little more), age isn't really important when it comes to who you connect with. She once gave me a stuffed penguin with a yellow raincoat and rainhat on. I loved Lisa so I loved this penguin as it represented our friendship. I named said penguin ASIL (Lisa spelled backwards) because that is just the kind of person I am. I still have Asil to this day; 13 years later. Lisa and I lost touch for a while and recently connected again via Facebook. She now lives outside of RI and has a beautiful litle girl Melia. I miss her terribly.

Last year I went to California to visit my cousins in Temecula (an hour north of San Diego) and had a wonderful time. I have spent a lot of time with these cousins throughout my life, spent a week there when Debbie's son Anthony was born (14 years ago) and then two weeks there when Anthony was 6, Johnny was 3 and Eli was 1. They are amazing people...all of them and I love them with all my heart. So this last visit (Anthony 13, Johnny 11 and Eli 9) we went to the San Diego Zoo. While there I wanted to buy an elephant statue (I collect elephants from everywhere I go). Debbie bought one for me, a little grey statue. So cute. He is my favorite of the elephant statues. He isn't the biggest or the most detailed but he is my favorite because he was given to me by Debbie. I named him Radje -- using the first letter of my family's name (Rick, Anthony, Debbie, Johnny and Elijah).

This past weekend I had my friends Elle and Carrie over my house for a fun filled weekend. (we need to keep this streak on! every weekend girls!) When I picked Carrie up on Saturday she gave me a pink stuffed elephant with hearts on her ears, whom she named Stana. Carrie and I have the same love (and collection) for elephants and for her to think of me (because I had told her a few weeks ago that I didn't have a stuffed elephant) meant so much to me! My heart just melted. Stana is now my most prized stuffed animal (right alongside Asil) and will always mean the world to me.

Also this weekend the three of us made a music video to Kate Nash's song 'Kiss That Grrrl' for a contest the singer was holding. We had so much fun making it on my dad's boat (not so much fun editing it) and amazing times watching it that - that video will forever be a memento of our amazing friendship. I can see years from now looking back on that video as one of our many extraordinary adventures and I will always smile. I am such a sap, but I love it. :)

The drama program I run with the kids in NK, I receive flowers from the kids/parents each year after the show wraps. I love the flowers but what I love the most are the notes and handmade gifts I receive from the kids. To me, those mean so much more than flowers. I have kept each and every little thing those kids have made for me, or given me. I sometimes look at them and my eyes well up with happiness.

So yes my friends and our readers. I (Lindsay Dias) am a VERY sentimental woman.

There once was a girl...

There once was a girl from Peru...she was dating a guy named Bamboo and they lived in a red wooden shoe.

That was my story for you all. I know you really enjoyed it :)

Eat Pray Love-

The movie is out August 13. The book touched me (and in my state of unravelling right now has saved me all over again).

This passage inparticular....

Depression and Loneliness track me down after about ten days in Italy. I am walking through the Villa Borghese one evening after a happy day spent in school, and the sun is setting gold over St. Peter's Basilica. I am feeling contented in this romantic scene even if I am all by myself, while everyone else in the park is either fondling a lover or playing with a laughing child. But I stop to lean against a blaustrade and watch the sunset, and I get to thinking a little too much, and then my thinking turns to brooding, and that's when they catch up with me.
They come upon me all silent and meancing like Pinkerton Detectives and they flank me - Depression on my left, Loneliness on my right. They don't need to show me their badges. I know these guys very well. We've been playing a cat-and-mouse game for years now. Though I admit that I am surprised to meet them in this elegant Italian garden at dusk. This is no place they belong.
I say to them, "How did you find me here? Who told you I had come to Rome?"
Depression, always the wise guy, says, "What - you're not happy to see us?"
"Go away," I tell him.
Loneliness, the more sensitive cop, says, "I'm sorry, ma'am. But I might have to tail you the whole time you're traveling. It's my assignment."
"I"d really rather you didn't," I tell him, and he shrugs almost apologetically, but only moves closer.
They then they frisk me. They empty my pockets of any joy I had been carrying there. Depression even confiscates my identity; but he always does that. Then Loneliness starts interrogating me, which I dread because it always goes on for hours. He's polite but relentless, and he always trips me up eventually. He asks if I have any reason to be happy that I know of. He asks why I am all by myself tonight, yet again. He asks (though we've been through this line of questioning hundreds of times already) why I can't keep a relationship going, why I ruined my marriage, why I messed things up with David, why I messed things up with every man I've ever been with. He ask me where I was the night I turned thirty, and why things have gone sour since then. He asks why I can't get my act together, and why I'm not at home living in a nice house and raising nice children like any respectable woman my age should be. He asks, why, exactly, I think I deserve a vacation in Rome when I've made such a rubble of my life. He asks why I think that running away to Italy like a college kid will make me happy. He asks where I think I'll end up in my old age, if I keep living this way.
I walk back home, hoping to shake them, but they keep following me, these two goons. Depression has a firm hand on my shoulder and Loneliness harangues me with his interrogation. I don't even bother eating dinner; I don't want them watching me. I don't want to let them up the stairs to my apartment, either, but I know Depression, and he's got a billy club, so there's no stopping him from coming in if he decides that he wants to.
"It's not fair for you to come here," I tell Depression. "I paid you off already. I served my time back in New York."
But he just gives me that dark smile, settles into my favorite chair, puts his feet on my table and lights a cigar, filling the place with his awful smoke. Loneliness watches and sighs, then climbs into my bed and pulls the covers over himself, fully dressed, shoes and all. He's going to make me sleep with him tonight, I just know it.

Happiness is what Friends bring to your life...

I have to admit, I have the most amazing friends in the world. You may think you have the most amazing friends in the world, but you'd be wrong, unless we have the same friends.

I've heard of a saying that everyone comes into your life for a reason and I completely agree. The friends I have made throughout my life have formed me into the person I am today and are continuing to push me into being an even better more confident me as each day passes.

To have friends who totally understand you and get where you're coming from in relation to your thoughts and feelings without judging and criticizing is a blessing and I love them all so much.

Amy, who has been my absolute best friend in the entire world since we were six years old has shown me what it is to know true and honest friendship. No matter what happens in our lives, whether we lose touch for a couple of years or get in a fight, we pick right back up where we left off as if nothing ever happened. She is the one person I know 100 % who will always love me no holds bar.

Sarah, who is my 'sort of sister' since I was six and her, ten. My whole life I had always wished for a sister but instead got a brother. I had always wanted that relationship with someone who I can always turn to and who knows me and who is family. Sarah is that person.

Carrie W., man oh man the fun times we have had. Our 'how we met' story is the greatest. I was 21 and had gone to California with a friend for vaca. While standing in line to see a 'FRIENDS' taping (I know, how appropriate, right?!) I met Carrie, who was behind us. We talked for the entire wait time and sat together at the taping then afterwards hung out for a bit. Then we didn't talk for about a year until I wanted to see Chicago on broadway. And the rest is history. We have been the greatest friends ever since. NINE years! It seems like yesterday. We have the same interests in TV, Movies, Broadway Shows etc. And I can always count on her to complain to about work and sibling issues. Without Cdubbs (hehe) I would just be Lindsay.

Mark! My college bud with a heart of gold. My one friend who knows everything about me...everything. I can talk to Mark about anything and everything without the slightest judgement and he is always there to give me words of support and motivation. He believes in me and constantly tries to boost my confidence (although it is hard to do--back to the brother issue). I look forward to traveling to Ireland with my boo.

Kari I met through a mutual friend at a halloween party and since then we have become very close. Our puppies Byron & Gracie are pals as well. I love our fun times we have together, going to see movies, hanging out watching tv, or one of us being bullied into going to the bars with the other...hmmm I wonder which one is the bully?! HAHA. Although I do end up having a blast anyway.

Kris or Kristina as I once called her and got yelled at for! After living in a quad dorm for a month or two my freshman year of college I requested to be switched and I was soo lucky to be placed in a double with Kris as my new roommate. I remember first meeting her in the entryway of O'Hare and her telling me that nobody called her "Kristina" only "Kris" or "Vickstrom". And then we became fast friends. We were both into Theatre and liked pretty much the same things. I so look forward to attending her wedding in November! :)

Shoshana --who would have thought that after one simple email asking to use one of my Idina photos from her final show that Shoshana and I would become great friends? Well, that's all it took. Since then we have had many fun times together in New York. Who can forget the fabulous night at Blockheads for my 'book signing party' haha. If only we lived closer.

Amanda, who is another college bud...we have also had so much fun at Salve and Seattle. I love our great adventures and our talks on AIM. I introduced her to Sex & the City, which became something we could talk about and have in common. Also, crazy anxiety attacks over our thesis presentations!

Elle, I am just now getting used to calling her that, as it is short for Marielle. What a great friend and fellow adventurer. We have had sooooo many fantastic times in the past few years, JWU parties at my house, a fun filled ski weekend in New Hampshire for my birthday, crazy rain soaked adventures through Newport trying to teach me photog skills, She & Him amazingness, beach adventures galore, and many more fun times! It seems that whenever we are together fun times follow. Because, yes we are awesome.

Carrie V., we have known each other for a while but just recently became friends. I feel though, that we have been friends forever. She is totally my 'friend lobster' between our love of Elephants and Broadway shows and Idina and Firefly and everything else...and her amazing apple pie and her amazing self I don't know how I have lived without us being friends. Our crazy adventures are beyond awesome and everytime we hang out it is the best time ever.

So, this blog is a tribute to my besties -- Amy, Sarah, Carrie W., Mark, Kari, Kris, Shoshana, Elle, Carrie V., and Amanda. Without all of you in my life I would be nothing. Thank you for being my friend I LOVE YOU!

Best Frying Pans

You can get two Calphalon pans on sale now at William Sonoma for $70. One is 8" and the other is 10".

I hate cleaning up when I cook, but this is easy. Super easy. It makes cooking fun. And if you think about it it is affordable.

Do it for yourself. Do it for your family. Do it for your future husband. Just do it.

(Inspired by GOOP - but not really. I hate that bitch)

Vacation, all I ever wanted...Vacation had to get away

Seeing as Mark has failed to post any blogs as of late, I decided to post yet another one. Yep, that's right, it's me again, your pal -- Lindsay!

So last week Custom Design, Inc. was closed for a whole week, which means I had the fantastic luxury of having a full 9 days of rest, relaxation and doing absolutely nothing! Well, that was the plan anyway. I planned to clean my house, work on my deck and lie by the pool and tan. Every day. All day. But instead I did everything but! And enjoyed myself immensly.

Saturday (July 3rd) I woke up and met Amy and Heather at my dad's boat (Raven) for a fun filled day of sailing. Heather brought some beer and Amy brought lunch makings. I had a turkey and ham sandwich (YUM!) and a Smirnoff. Delicious. We sat up at the front of the boat for most of the sailing trip around the bay, soaking up the sun and enjoying the quiet. The wind was weird so we would go from standing still to moving very quickly, causing me to almost fall off the boat haha. For the record, I did not really almost fall off the boat, but it was tipping greatly. I dipped my legs in the water, so refreshing.

Once we arrived back at the dock we chatted for a bit with my dad and Don Waddington and then I went home for a quick nap. An hour later I headed to Jamestown to Heather's house for a cookout. We had lobsters! SO YUMMY! Then we went down to the beach and watched some fireworks. Kids behind us kept screaming what the fireworks looked like, and amazingly one of them looked like FIREWORKS! HAHAHA. so funny and cute.

After fireworks were over I headed on home.

Sunday (July 4th) I went to my parents pool and went swimming and relaxed all day. This day I got so burned (because I'm impatient and didn't use lotion -- bad me!). Then my Grandma Dot came by and we had another cookout. We didn't see fireworks because there was a really great episode of Criminal Minds on.

Monday (July 5th) I did absolutely nothing. My back/shoulders were killing me from my burn so I couldn't really do anything.

On Sunday I had gotten a call from my friend in New York saying that her friend had an extra ticket to see She & Him for Tuesday night. I jumped on that chance (I mean, all the ducks were in a row...I had an unforseen week off work...well that's it ha). So Tuesday (July 6th) I headed on out to Nueva York, the city that never sleeps, oh wait -- that's Las Vegas. I took the bus down and luckily my friend Shoshana read my FB status and so we met up at Starbucks for an hour of fun hanging out! :D SO happy I got to see her. Then I hung out at a Cosi between 5th & 6th aves waiting for Carrie to get out of work. I started reading my book "Water for Elephants". Once Carrie got out of work we went to her aunt's house and got ready. Then we headed down to the venue (Terminal 5). Some comic opened for She & Him, he wasn't that funny. I was bored. Also, I was confused as to why the Chapin Sisters didn't open for them like in Boston...I mean they were there -- they are the band's back-up singers!! Well, whatever. I get confused easily. She & Him came on and were again, phenomenal, amazing, superb, brilliant, genius, etc. etc. etc. I <3>

After the concert, where I probably lost 8707 pounds from sweating, we went back to Carrie's aunt's house (Thanks Auntie Ann!) and watched Wipeout and went to bed.

Wednesday (July 7th) I walked Carrie to work and then hung out at Starbucks for an hour reading more of my book...which I am LOVING! Then got on the bus back home. I hung out at my parents house and watched TV.

Thursday (July 8th) was a planned day of fun at the beach! I met up with Sarah, Chris and their girls Fallon (3yrs) and Cailin (1yr). I hadn't seen them since January and the kids got so big! And they are adorable! I played with Fallon on the swings and we built a mud castle. We had pizza and had a ton of fun. :)

Friday (July 9th) woke up early and went to Six Flags with Amy and Dave. Such fun! Went on all the rides and the water park. I love that place. And it's always an adventure and fun times with those two. We are the three musketeers :D

Saturday (July 10th) I cleaned my entire house. It was messy like woah! Then my friend Marielle and her friend Carrie (my new friend yay new friend!! HI!) :) came over for a slumber party. We made pizza and red velvet cake (well they made the food while I watched and ate it! YUMMMMMMMY). It was soooooo goooood. all of it. Then we watched (500) Days of Summer and Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat and than the episode of FRIENDS "The One with all the Jealousy". So funny. Then we went to bed around 3:30am after talking and stuff. Those two are awesome. It was so much fun.

Sunday (July 11th) we all went to brunch at E&J Diner and had delicious food. After that we went to the Wickford Art Festival. We found some awesome paintings but were wayyyy too expensive. Why am I not a millionaire? We walked the entire festival and then went to see Despicable Me. SUCH a cute and funny movie "IT'S SO FLUFFY I'M GONNA DIE!"

After the movie we went back to my hizzouse and watched a couple more episodes of FRIENDS, "The One with Unagi" and "The One that Could have Been". Marielle's mom and dad came and picked them up. :( What an enormously fun two days! Can't wait till our next adventure this Saturday!

Now I'm back to work. Enough said.

In the Sun, in the sun...

She & Him w/ The Chapin Sisters

House of Blues

Boston, MA

7/1/10

I have been so excited to see She & Him for so long. I couldn't believe it was already time! Lauren & Julia (two of my drama girls) met me at my place of work at 4:20 and we left immediately. We got stuck in major traffic on the way up there and then once we arrived in Boston Kojii (my GPS) told me to take a left onto a one way. Oh Boston how I despise your roads. So we got a tad lost.

Finally I met Carrie & Marielle at the House of Blues around 6:45pm. Luckily they were there early so were at the front of the line!! They opened the doors at 7:15 and we made our way to the floor to get a good spot near the stage. Due to our position at the front of the line we were about three 'rows' back from the stage. It was entirely standing only. Luckily the crowd was an older more mature crowd that didn't push and shove to get closer so I wasn't pushed around a lot and stood in my same spot pretty much the entire show (get to that later). As you can see from my picture we were really close! The pictures I took are kind of blurry because I took them with my iPhone and wasn't exactly the best lighting to take great pictures with a phone! haha. But Julia got some good shots.

So we waited around and chatted for the opening act to start -- The Chapin Sisters. They came on at 8:00pm and with their first mini-song we were all frightened. First of all, these girls (Lily & Abigail) were like cutouts of the 70's -- Lily looked a lot like a blonde version of the Carpenter Sister, which isn't a bad thing, I'm just sayin. And they're music is very chanty and ominous. When they talked to us - the audience - they were very funny and nice...just their music was not my thing at all. One of their songs though was pretty good, but I forgot the name of it.

And apparently Lily & Abigail are also backup singers for She & Him, so for their second to last song Zooey came out and sang with them! I was beaming! Yay Zooey! She is so tiny! But that may be because she was standing next to Abigail Chapin, who is a giant. After that song Zooey left and the sisters sang their last song, which was like an indian chant (NOT LYING!) it was very strange. Then they left to get ready for the rest of their gig with She & Him. Again, the sisters seem like very nice and funny people, I am just not a fan of their music.

So they were on from 8:00 - 8:40pm. We then watched the sound check guy -- who was a mixture of Waldo (from Where's Waldo) and a brunette Andy Dick -- do sound checks on all the instruments and mics.

Then finally at 9:22 the band came out followed by M. Ward and Zooey Deschanel! If you didn't know that already!! They sang pretty much all of their songs, and the entire set was amazing! M. Ward is a genius on the guitar and he has a really nice voice. At one point he played guitar using a beer bottle instead of his left hand, it was fantastic. That man has mad skillz yo! And Zooey...oh Zooey -- what to say about her! She is just phenomenally talented. And soooo adorable! Again, we were reallly close so I was in my glory as she is my favorite person. She has so much energy and played the piano, guitar and mini-guitar. Some guy in the audience held up a sign that said Marry Me Zooey and she so cutely told him "sorry, I'm taken". I read the sign later and it was really cute and funny asking her to move to Utah with him and practice polygamy and he would be 'INDIE-er" hahahaha. He was young and not creepy so that made the sign cute and funny rather than stalkerish.

They sang "You Really Gotta Hold on Me" towards the end and were sooo cute. They were giggling at each other and just being adorable. The entire show I was singing and sort of dancing with the limited space I had. It was so much fun! High energy and happiness surrounding the audience and stage.

For their encore they sang two songs that were awesome. I am in a fog right now so I don't know what they were. But Zooey sang the first one and M. Ward sang the second one. They were both soooo fun though.

Their set was over at 11:20 and I just wished they started the whole thing over again. I could have watched them all night. Afterwards we went out to the gate where they would come out. We saw one of the band members come out and he smiled at us. M. Ward came out of the gate and smiled and waved and went into the bus. We waited around for a while longer for Zooey...and she came out but she was on her phone and escorted by the security straight into the bus. :( That was a bummer...but I had so much fun and loved that concert so much and love them so much that it is all good! :) :)

I won't even get into the ride home because it was torture and I will never drive to Boston again! haha.

Loved every second of that concert and want to see them again!

Alice ... in ... Wonderland...

After almost three long months of rehearsing - Alice in Wonderland Jr. - finally went live! Emotions were busting through my body, coursing through my veins...I was excited, nervous, sad, happy. My heart was racing and my mind was running wild. Would it be a success? A Failure? Would the parents leave the theater thinking I don't know what I'm doing?

Well, after the shows were over I was bombarded with praise and joy. The shows were FANTASTIC! They went off without a hitch, perfect timing with lighting and scene changes. I was and am so proud!

Now I miss my kids. Yes, I know...I complained a lot about how they don't listen and how they annoyed me. But I love them all (okay maybe 99.9 % of them!) I can't wait till the cast party tomorrow night. <3>

Till next time --

Lindsay

Lindsay Will Cut a Bitch

This could be you (take note Barbara). Her show is this weekend. Wish her luck.

This saved me, in a way

Eat Pray Love -

"But I really loved him."

"Big deal. So you fell in love with someone. Don't you see what happened? This guy touched a place in your heart deeper than you thought you were capable of reaching. I mean you got zapped, kiddo. But that love you felt, that's just the beginning. You just got a taste of love. That's just limited little rinky-dinky mortal love. Wait till you see how much more deeply you can love than that. Heck, Groceries - you have the capacity to someday love the whole world. It's your destiny. Don't laugh."

"I'm not laughing." I was actually crying. "And please don't laugh at me now, but I think the reason it's so hard for me to get over this guy is because I seriously believed David was my soul mate."

"He probably was. Your problem is you don't understand what the word means. People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that's what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that's holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you'll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave. And thank God for it. Your problem is, you just can't let this one go. It's over, Groceries. David's purpose was to shake you up, drive you out of that marriage that you needed to leave, tear apart your ego a little bit, show you your obstacles and addictions, break your heart open so new light could get in, make you so desperate and out of control that you had to transform your life, then introduce you to your spiritual master and beat it. That was his job, and he did great, but now it's over. Problem is, you can't accept that this relationship had a real short shelf life. You're like a dog at the dump, baby - you're just lickin' at the empty tin can, trying to get more nutrition out of it. And if you're not careful, that can's gonna get stuck on your snout forever and make your life miserable. So drop it."

"But I love him."

"So love him."

"But I miss him."

"So miss him. Send him some love and light every time you think about him, and then drop it. You're just afraid to let go of the last bits of David because then you'll really be alone, and Liz Gilbert is scared to death of what will happen if she's really alone. But here's what you gotta understand, Groceries. If you clear out all that space in your mind that you're using right now to obsess about this guy, you'll have a vacuum there, an open spot - a doorway. And guess what the universe will do with that doorway? It will rush in - God will rush in - and fill you with more love than you ever dreamed. So stop using David to block that door. Let it go."

He Turned 30

He turned 30. Bryan. My only serious relationship. The love of my life. Well, I say relationship. Friend. Best Friend. It's complicated. Read past blogs to f ind out more. But we're barely speaking. I kicked him out. It was for the best. I want to move. We we weren't getting a long. I don't regret that. My life is easier. It just became too much. He wanted to move too, but when both of his moving options fell through he wanted to stay. And I couldn't let him. Because he just became too much. He swallowed me whole. I served my time. I had to be let go. If he could admit that he loved me too than I could have forgiven it all. He couldn't. And that was hard because I know his feelings for me were more. But even though the last six months were really tough (the first year together was fun and easy). And I've seen the good in him. So, I knew the inevitable would happen. This was a four year friendship that blurred line into love. But that doesn't make it easier. I remember the bad times. I don't miss the daily drama (really we could be the Gay Housewives of New York City and it would have been a ratings hit - I swear - and I'm not even that interesting). I want him to grow as a person (God, I need to grow too). As weak as I was around him at times, I also learned to stand up for myself. People didn't realize that. But it's the truth. But I also remember the good. I remember how he could light up a room like I've never seen a person do before. I remember his laugh and smile (like a kid who got caught in the cookie jar). But he sends me random texts saying hello. And I find out from others how hard a time he has been having since he left me. And it makes it harder, almost. Because right now I still want him in my life. But for him it was a deal breaker. He wanted it all. No boundaries. I needed boundaries. He is still mad. We will never be best friends again. Well, I guess you should never say never. Weird I haven't cried yet, right? But laying down this torch for him has left me scary and damaged. Who can go through something like this again? At least the next time I'll be familiar to this path of recovery after my heart has been attacked. I will recover.

Meet Juliet Penny Cooper ... she is my brand new Mini Cooper. I love this car so much, it's so smooth driving and awesome! I named her after Juliet Burke & Penny Widmore from Lost. Yep...she's just that awesome!!!

What drove Lindsay to hit the sauce?

The End...

Writing those words makes me an emotional wreck. The end was last night. The end of a six year EPIC journey. The end of a committed relationship with an island and its inhabitants. Yes, it is a television show, but it wasn't just any TV show...it was 'LOST'. In my opinion (and I have said it many times), Lost is the single best TV show that has ever graced the screen, and I really don't think anything could ever compare to it.

I hadn't realized how much I would miss the show, didn't realize I would cry. I knew I would be sad, but by the final three minutes I was sobbing like a newborn. The journey that these characters went on was emotional, unbelievable and life changing. I felt like I was on that journey with them through these past years and now that it is over I don't know what to do with myself.

The finale, although many will disagree with me, was amazing. The moments of recognition the characters saw at important moments during their flash sideways was just beyond moving. The acting done by the actors portraying the characters just heart wrenching!

The ultimate moment for me in the finale was the reunion of Sawyer & Juliet in the hospital waiting room with the vending machines. The smiles Juliet gave Sawyer as he tried to get the Apollo bar out from being stuck brought a single tear to my already wet eyes. Then as they touched hands that first time and they remembered bits of their island days and them breaking apart as if a jolt of electricity jolted them broke a tiny piece of my heart. But what really crushed me was the second time they touched hands and they recalled their many moments as a couple, and the terrible sadness of Sawyer as Juliet died in the 'hatch'. The look Elizabeth Mitchell portrayed in that tiny moment, part devestation and sadness, part happiness and joy and then Sawyer's words "I had you. I had you baby." OH. MAN! I lost it.

The finale brought back season one at the very end with a nice close...Jack's eye closing as the last blackout we will ever see, reminiscent of Jack's eye opening in that very first opening we saw. A nice closure, it came full circle. And we did find out what the show is all about. It was about people; their relationship to each other, their immense connections they made with each other, so strong that it transcended into their deaths. Yes, the show was about a crazy island with many secrets, and yes not all questions were answered. But would you really want it that way? I'm glad they didn't answer everything and we were still left with a 'wtf' feeling at the end...a slight confusion, but hey...that's LOST! I wouldn't want it to end all clean and closed. The show is the viewer's own interpretation of events.

Beautifully written and beautifully acted. I could not be more satisfied with how the entire series played out. Thank you Damon Lindelof and Carlton Cuse for creating such a remarkable piece of work! It will be eternally etched into my life as the best thing I have ever watched. Thank you to the crew for working so hard on this! And thank you to the cast for bringing these wonderfully flawed characters to life and making me and the rest of the 'losties' out there become so emotionally attached to them that we feel so deeply for them that we root for them to succeed or fail (depending on the character :0) ). And just a personal thank you to Elizabeth Mitchell and Josh Holloway (aka Juliet & Sawyer) for being so damn amazing!!!

LIVE IN HARLEM!

Click on the "Live in Harlem" to view my home. It is for sale. It has brought me much happiness over the last six years, but I am on to the next chapter of my life.

Anyone interested in buying?

Why no listen?

Well the drama has begun again. NK Drama that is. This year we are doing the show 'Alice in Wonderland Jr.' To be completely honest, I'm not really keen on it. I'm not the biggest ALICE fan but the kids voted on it so that's what we're doing. Remind me never to listen to 14 year olds! So because of the fact that I'm not a fan of ALICE I am not really into the show this year. It's sad really...I want to be into it. But I'm just not. The kids are really good this year. Both shows are going to be really great, with the talent. The girl who I cast as the Caterpillar (Emma) is beyond amazing. She just gets it, and her voice is phenomenal. And it doesn't hurt that she loves me haha. I'm her new best friend. And everyone knows how much I love all the praise and admiration from my kiddos. I love them all in return. (well not all of them...99% of them. That 1% who I don't like includes one such girl named Sarellen. It's not that I don't like her. She is just in your face annoying. And she is always at rehearsals...when she's NOT supposed to be!


So, rehearsals tend to be crazy because the kids do NOT listen. So by the end I'm stressed, anxious and depressed. I sometimes just feel very insecure and not confident in myself. What makes me a good director? I don't know. One of the kids, Jack told me yesterday that he admires me, lol...because nobody has gotten hurt. I certainly hope he didn't jinx it. (KNOCK ON WOOD!) But back to my insecurities; the kids shoot out ideas of what to do and they are really good ideas. So why can't I come up with any good ones? I really need to spend some time finding myself. I think I'm in Ireland right now. I guess I'll just stay here until September and be someone else. AHHH I keep getting off track and talking about random stuff. Sorry about that. Anyhoo - I totally know it's my fault the kids don't listen to me. I treat them more as friends than as students. I don't know.

Well I have nothing really to say. I am boring.

Seattle

Seattle.

Mark, Lindsay and Amanda travelled to Seattle. And it really was a trip. The flight was six hours non stop and I felt like I was going to stop. It was almost like a reunion for the three of us. We all went to college together. Eight years ago. You do the math. We majored in English. We were wicked smart.

I was getting over a cold, but had even worse stress in my life. Amanda was on death's door with her own cold. Lindsay was ... well she had pepto tablets from 2008 incase of an emergency.

It rained the first day (but always felt like spring/fall). The rest of the days were beautiful. We went to Green Lake. We went to the Space Needle. We visited Pike's Place Market. We walked through Capitol Hill (where I may move). We saw Madison Park (where Kurt Cobain and the guy who created Starbucks lived/lives). We walked through the shopping district. We travelled through Belltown. We took a bus (where was number 16?!). And we we're only there for roughly three days. I look back and think 'hey, we saw a lot.'

And stayed at the Edgewater - really on the water. What a great hotel. Our fist dinner at the 67 -- turned out to be just dessert. By the time we got off the flight even Lindsay looked like hell had smacked her in the face. But I recommend everyone visit. I wouldn't go to the Steelhead Diner. I may have spelled that wrong for my protection. Eh. Overpriced. Everyone was really friendly. Everything was very clean. It's a very eco-friendly city. But I do snore. And so then felt guilty and didn't get the best sleep. Amanda was sick and didn't sleep well. And Lindsay -- she had her music and Simon. She was in heaven.

Lindsay met a man. His name was Simon. Amanda loved her chicken sandwich. Sure, there were blood, sweat and tears. I nearly fainted/threw up after one dinner at a bar. But then I was fine. But we all survived. And the five hour flight home wasn't as bad. But we did wake up at 430am - never again.

Eat Pray Love

The movie event of the year.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpYrc0mx_XA

"To have broken heart means you have tried for something." - Ketut, and Liz Gilbert

And then we had sex...

Remember when I said I love you? And my heart was broken. And he still lived with me. And somehow we still managed to be friends. However unhealthy that was.

Well, we're still friends. And I let go of any idea. And I made a new friend. And I've seriously thought about moving (to Seattle!). I will always love him. A part of him. But I know we are not meant to be together.

He is not enough of a man - or enough of the kind of man I need. I know this now. I didn't before. I never thought I could change him (I really didn't!). But I did think I could accept all his shortcomings and he could love me and accept me and it could work.

But I now know I deserve better. I shouldn't have to just meet someone that I can accept. Maybe that means I'm alone forever? Hell, I'm already 30. Fuck it.

I say all this because HE HIT ON ME -- we had SEX. March 7th. He was drunk. I was half asleep. But he came to me and we had sex.

And I was finally laid properly. It was long and intense and sweet and everything I had hoped sex would be. And I didn't become attached after the fact. I still believe I deserve more. And that means I have grown (however unhealthy it was to have sex with him).

I don't care. This sex was fucking hot!

And afterwards we laid together. And he fell asleep. And I laid there half thinking I was dreaming. It was like my reward for three and a half years of emotional torture.

Will I have sex with him again? Yes, but I don't believe it would happen. I'm not waiting for him or anybody. I feel more sure of who I am and better about life sense this.

I was able to have sex with love (not the kind of I'm in love with - the love is more evolved than that). When we held each other there was love there. The kind of love that will stay with me.

And did I mention how hot it was?

Everyone should have some hot sex tonight!

Best of the Decade

OK so it's March. And the Academy Awards are so two weeks ago.

But, here's my list of my ten favorite films of the decade for each year 2000-2009. Go rent them. They are all worth it.

Erin Brockovich (2000)
In the Bedroom (2001)
Lovely and Amazing (2002)
Shattered Glass (2003)
Closer (2004)
Brokeback Mountain (2005)
The Departed (2006)
Into the Wild (2007)
Rachel Getting Married (2008)
An Education (2009)

Who Am I?

Who in the world am I? Do you know? Most of the time I spend at work or at home, I ask my self that question and I have no idea the answer. What do I like/dislike? So here is my list of likes/dislikes.

LIKES
* Movies
* (500) Days of Summer
* Moulin Rouge
* Alice in Wonderland (Tim Burton)
* Harry Potter movies
* TV Shows
* LOST
* 24
* Chuck
* Damages
* Parenthood
* The Middle
* Theatre
* Music
* Celine Dion
* Aerosmith
* Barenaked Ladies
* Black Eyed Peas
* Working with my drama kids
* Traveling

DISLIKES
* WORK
* People who don't use correct grammar / spelling
* Chunky tomato sauce on either pizza or pasta
* People who drive stupidly
* The sound of people chewing their food or gulping their drink
* People in general
* Not being paid attention to

So that last dislike...not being paid attention to - sometimes I want to just scream to everyone to PAY ATTENTION TO ME! Which is a weird thought because people do pay attention to me (mostly) but it's this general feeling of being in the background during most situations and nobody really noticing that I'm there or even exist. And if I left, they wouldn't notice. I know that can be mostly my fault as I am very quiet and barely say anything. It's hard for me. I don't know why. Words in spoken form do not come easy to me. I wish I could be more verbal and outspoken but I just feel that I don't have anything of real substance to contribute. Who really wants to hear my thoughts and opinions? Or for that matter, are my thoughts and opinions really mine, or are they me using others thoughts and opinions as my own for I can't seem to really think about what I think of the subject?

Life is one big rollercoaster that I don't want to go on. I'm too scared and frightened. Not exactly OF the rollercoaster, but of the unknown, in every situation.

What I would really love to do is spend a year traveling Europe to find myself. I know that sounds awfully cliche but it's true. As BNL says 'if I had a million dollars'... So I guess I will just continue on this path and see where it takes me. Hopefully it will lead somewhere fun and exciting instead of this dull and mundane life I'm leading now.

SEATTLE in one week. Need this so much.
Ta ta for now.
Lindsay

If she dies...I'll kill him

Dear Mr. Shephard,
You don't know who I am. But I know who you are. And I know what you done. You came back to the island...and then you threw a hydrogen bomb into the swan site. But it didn't work and made the swan site magnetic force pull all metal objects into it, including a chain that wrapped itself around Juliet, pulling her down with it. Sawyer couldn't hold on to her and Kate didn't try hard enough to get the chain off of her. And then Juliet fell into the hole. She didn't die though. Not yet. In pain, bleeding and hurt she banged on that bomb with a rock to finish what you started.

The bomb went off. But your plan didn't work, Sawyer found Juliet just in time to hold her and kiss her and say goodbye to her before she died. She died because you wanted to erase the bad memories you had about Kate. You wanted to erase you two ever meeting so that you would never break up. Well guess what Mr. Shephard, you could have just asked her to start over again. She would have said yes. But instead you ruined Sawyer's life.

I know your name and I know where you are. But I don't know how to get there. but if Sawyer keeps his promise and kills you...I will be happy.

The best show on TV (ever) started up again last night (feb 2, 2010) and I couldn't have been any more excited for it. The show you ask? It's "LOST" and it was everything I hoped it would be...and MORE! I had decided a while ago to rewatch the previous 5 seasons to gear up for the final season of the show and in perfect timing I finished right before the season 6 premiere!

WOW is all I can say. SO many new questions and so much jaw dropping events happening in that episode. I won't share for those readers what happened for fear of spoiling you. And we all know we have so many loyal readers. I do know I spoiled a little bit of what happened but that is ok. You will still be shocked, floored, amazed and awed when you watch. So happy this show is back on and don't know what I will do without it after it's end.

Lindsay's BIRTHDAY

HAPPY BIRTHDAY

RHODE ISLAND WILL NEVER BE THE SAME!

DON'T LOOK BACK

Annie Wersching...my new favorite person

The season 8 promo shot of Annie Wersching who plays Agent Renee Walker on 24 (or just Renee Walker now as she's no longer an FBI agent.) We are introduced to Renee in season 7 as an FBI agent who pretty much goes by the book until she meets Jack Bauer, who takes her under his wing as they try to save the world. At first hesitant at going against protocol (because we all know Jack is not the kind of guy who does things the way the powers that be want him to do things)and by the end of the season she was a pro.

Renee & Jack strike up a friendship but their relationship SHOULD have gone further but didn't. :( I was rooting for them to kiss but alas my wishes were not granted. Annie & Kiefer (Sutherland) have such amazing chemistry with each other that the moments that their characters (Renee & Jack) have together are just so believable and emotional and as Brennan in the show Bones would say - 'heartcrushing'. Especially in their first encounter in episode 4 of the 4 hour season premiere of this season.

We learn that Renee had a breakdown after last season and has been let go (or she left) the FBI and has gone through some emotional stuff. And by the end of the 4 hour season premiere of season 8 we learn that Renee has become one badass woman! And I am LOVING the new 'dark Renee'. Oh man. Annie Wersching is phenomenal and brings her character so much depth and believablity.

She has become one of the people I absolutely NEED to meet! What.A.Woman!

Lindsay Is Death

Lindsay has the sniffles! She even took the day off work. Send her your get well wishes here!

Ireland. Oh yeah!

So it's a definite...no more hoping and dreaming, it's happening. September 17-25th! Ireland. I am SO excited. Mark and I are going and we're going to have fun. This will be the first time I'm in a different country without family members. I'm most afraid of driving on the opposite side of the road, scary!

Originally we were going to go for 10 days but Mark couldn't take a lot of time out of work. I'm most excited about going to the Cliffs of Moher...they are GORGEOUS. I've heard so many things about how amazing they are and have seen pictures that will take your breath away. Hopefully we don't fall off.

Oh man. I wish it was time to go there!

Ireland

It's happening.
Sept 17-25

Mark and Lindsay in Ireland.

We've never been. And Lindsay's been everywhere (ask her about her time in that Brothel in Harlem).

Where is Lindsay? She's obsessed with Tumblr. And she just doesn't care about her readers. We have readers, right?

If Julie Powell can have readers. Why can't we? What would you like us to write about?